There would always be a thin line between success and failure. Yet, what exactly would be the very definition of success nowadays? When a person reaches the big 3-0, there is a sense of contemplation that would start to dawn upon them. Such a thought would force them to examine their lives and re-examine it for far too many times – wondering if they have ever achieved success or if they are on their way to success or, dreadfully, they have made the worst decisions in life and never left square one.
I have to thank the 90s cult classic, 13 Going on 30, for the inspiration of this musing. Now that I am already 3 decades (and a little more) on this planet, the movie made me do a double take on my life and how far I’ve come. I’m thirty (something), sure, but am I flirty? Or more importantly, am I thriving?
I’ve had many a few friends belonging to that age bracket; and the stories they tell and lives they live are far too varied for me to quantify how successful they are. Then again, is there a numerical measurement for success? Do we have a similar check list to base our lives on?
Through the many thoughts that pass through my mind, I found solace when scrolling aimlessly on Facebook (indeed, a millennial platform) and giving heart reactions to all the stories posted by my FB friends. It then hit me: I’m proud of them. I’m proud of us.
You see, we are a generation of dreamers – a generation neglected due to the lack of suffering yet a generation who was not coddled enough. We are a walking juxtaposition. We were forced to find our independence and expected to make adult decisions, yet we never truly outgrew our childlike wonder. We work, earn, and pay our bills now but we also go home to video games, cartoons, and anime. We read complex works yet somehow, Young Adult and graphic novels still become our guilty pleasures.
We become the parents that we wanted to have, yet we are still fumbling and bumbling fools who stifle a laugh when children accidentally utter a cuss word. We do our groceries – an amalgam of healthy and unhealthy – of vegetables and cereals and chocolates and chips and orange juices and beer (or whatever alcohol you fancy).
“Thirty, flirty, and thriving,” was the mantra that Jenna Rink repeated over and over before being transported into her future self. The movie was simple – it wanted to show us the important things in life like love and family. When I was a kid, I wanted that life – I wanted to BE thirty, flirty, and thriving. As a kid, all I saw in that movie was the simplified plot and the love story – the hopeless romantic that I was.
Now, at thirty, and watching the movie again, I couldn’t help but wonder how, in all this world, could Jenna afford her lifestyle? Sure, she was a big shot corporate girly but by golly, she’s part of the 1%! She had a great physique, a high-end job, lived in an upscale apartment, and had the trendiest clothing – not to mention, she even has time (and energy) to hang out after work. Then again, what happened to ME? Why am I nitpicking a feel-good fictional movie?
I’ll tell you why – it’s because that movie allowed my younger self to become the dreamer that I was growing up. I fantasized a life like that – full of color and good vibes. Then reality hit hard like a pile of bricks and here I am, bruised and bitter.
Here I am re-examining yet again what my life is now that I am a 30-something adult. Here I am, seeking comfort from my other 30-something adults around. Thank goodness for that! Having glimpses at their lives allowed me to look at mine, not as Jenna Rink, but as me. And, frankly, I feel better. Yet, I shall humor that famous phrase based on the lives of the 30-somethings around me (my life included).
Thirty, check! Flirty? Bigger check. I’ve had friends who used to be so shy on expression their sexuality and forcing themselves to hide these desires. Yet, being open to one’s sexuality is a sign of growing up. Being able to talk about the most R-rated topics in a casual tone and setting as if one is simply talking about the dish served at lunch is something I never imagined myself being part of as I chime in. It’s not even about dressing provocatively (though, by all means, go ahead if you want to); it’s about knowing our preferences and what we want – and even how we want it. It’s about being open to the different kinds of love and types of relationships. So, if asked if we are flirty, yes, we are.
And the last part, and probably the most important one – thriving. Are we thriving? Well…yes, but not in the way that tradition sees. Thriving isn’t being financially free (though that is the ultimate goal), but being financially capable – to eat out, to spend time with people, to travel or to go on vacation. The 30-somethings around me have openly stated their happiness of being able to enjoy a simple cup of coffee, or buy the latest gadgets, and experience different cultures or expose themselves to different settings.
Thriving isn’t having children but allowing ourselves the option to have one or not. Building a family does not become the only definition of being stable anymore. We are allowed to love, be loved, and leave whenever things don’t work out. We are allowed to bask in our independence and enjoy our solitude and being alone. We are allowed to get married – whenever and however – we want.
Thriving is not simply having a high position but having a good work-life balance. We now have the strength to avoid the pressure to overwork ourselves to exhaustion, and instead, we work to an extent where we can still enjoy living our lives. This gives us the opportunity to focus on our growth – through hobbies and relationships and even take care of our wellbeing.
We are fortunate enough to have other options should we decide to switch careers and walk a different path. We do not remain stagnant as we are always changing and evolving.
Now, if you ask me, where do we stand when it comes to success? I would say we are thriving. Making mistakes, admitting the mistakes and constantly righting the wrongs that we see. So, here’s to my fellow 30-something millennials – three cheers for being thirty, flirty, and thriving!
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Author’s email: tashamaxineflores@gmail.com
