May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. – 1 Thessalonians 5:23
NEW JERSEY — A US-based pastor took his own life recently. He was a celebrated minister and a strong mental health advocate. He openly shared his struggles with depression, and was in the forefont of a church-based initiative that ministers to those who are mentally- and emotionally- challenged.
Interestingly, we learned that his death came just a few hours after he officiated a funeral of another Christian woman who died by suicide. He left a grieving wife, two very young children, and a stunned congregation.
As expected, many were deeply-shocked. But many others were also not. This is not the first time a pastor died this way. Surely, this is not the last time this will happen, too.
I will not venture into the complexity of suicide. I will only say that life is utterly-overwhelming, even for those who are considered strong and resilient.
I will also say that our eyes see very little of what lies deep within — that there is always a part of us that others, or even we, will never have the power to see nor understand.
Our scripture focus invites us all to recognize the complexity, multi-layeredness, intricateness, and richness of our being — that each of us has a body, a soul, and a spirit that longs for God’s peace.
I wonder: what does this peace look like? What does it truly mean to have a “through and through” experience of God’s peace? A peace that is able to permeate us in every aspect of our being — physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually.
Moreover, how can we give flesh to God’s peace through the context of caring?
Take care of each other
One of God’s early words to the first human being was, “It is not good to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)
Humans were designed by God to be in community. We only reach our greatest potentials by being in relationship with others. There is really something about isolation that slowly kills.
Sadly, there are those who are forced to be in isolation because of society’s growing tendency to marginalize, judge, and even condemn.
Some will simply choose to be by themselves than to go through the pain of being taunted and rejected for who they truly are.
This is especially true for pastors or for any person who is highly-esteemed. How will church elders react if their pastor will openly admit to having marriage problems? Or if their pastor will disclose that his daughter is alcoholic? How will I react if a distinguished member of my congregation will come to me admitting to have gambling problems or disclose a history of forced abortion?
Caring has forms and shapes. But for me, taking care of each other is primarily creating God-ordained spaces where people can openly and freely be who they truly are.
The hope is that God’s powerful love will meet them right there. And the greater hope, too, is that God’s love will consequently and eventually bring people to where they need to be.
This is why judgment will not work. This is also why we need to trust God’s love to lead us to a sense of deep and true conviction.
Judgment comes from people. Conviction comes from an inner encounter with God’s love. Judgment isolates. Conviction brings people to embrace God’s righteousness, mercy, justice, and kindness.
Take care of ourselves
There is a growing awareness of self-care in many communities today.
This is initially challenging for those who cannot distinguish self-care from selfishness.
This is doubly challenging theologically for those who have been raised to believe that it is a sin to put ourselves before others.
The World Health Organization defines self-care as , “Activities that individuals, families and communities undertake with the intention of enhancing health, preventing disease, limiting illness and restoring health.”
In short, self-care is our consciousness and awareness of our limitations and boundaries; and consequently, our need for rest and replenishment.
For many, self-care seems to be limited to the physical aspect of well-being like eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, and seeing the doctor regularly. But it is so much more than that.
Scriptures reveal to us some important aspects of Jesus’ self-care practices. We read, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)
I am drawn to the word, “often.” It means frequent, constant, and a must. It suggests that it is not an option, but rather, a necessity.
Interestingly, we learn from Jesus that a vital aspect of self-care is our ability to withdraw from the crowd, and spend much-needed time in prayer.
Being alone and being lonely are not the same. You can be in the middle of the crowd surrounded by people you love but still feel so alone. You can also be all by yourself yet feel deeply-energized and revived.
The more important consideration here is ultimately one’s theological lens. The Christian worldview is fundamentally anchored on God’s omnipresence (that God is always present, anytime, anywhere) so a Christian’s understanding of being alone is actually being in the very presence of God.
This may not be the case if we use a different theological frame where God’s omnipresence is not affirmed.
What Jesus eventually models is a self-care that is strongly anchored in one’s mindfulness of God’s powerful and loving presence — a presence we can often miss out because of too many distractions and pre-occupations.
It is also a self-care model that acknowledges one’s need to embrace limitations, admit weaknesses, recognize failures, celebrate defeats, and ultimately, receive rest, compassion, care, kindness, and unconditional love from God and from others.
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Allow God to take care of us
As I write this piece, I am made aware of the many instances in my life as a pastor when I, too, felt overwhelmed.
In my early years, there was so much pressure to prove my worthiness. It was difficult to admit my vulnerabilities because of the fear of not being good enough; the fear of losing the trust and respect of people; and at times, even the fear of losing the blessing and favor of God.
It was so difficult to say “no” to all sorts of tasks and responsibilities because I did not want to called inadequate and weak.
Time went by and I grew up. I made mistakes. I had my share of failures. I realized that I am not a “super pastor” who has everything figured out.
I also realized that even with my best intentions, I will still end up disappointing people, failing others, and hurting even the ones I love.
In all these, I realized one important thing: there is absolutely nothing that I can ever do to make God love me any less.
That Love totally disarmed me. It tendered my heart. It shifted my life. It gave me a new mindset. It birthed in me new hopes and dreams to please God, and to be a blessing to others.
That same Love is what takes care of me today. It is a love that secures. It empowers. It humbles. It makes me want to love and forgive.
How precious is that Love that allows me to acknowledge my very complex nature, and my complex needs — needs that are yearning to be met by good food, adequate sleep, clean air, valuable learning, nurturing relationships, a caring community, and by simply being with God.
I still grieve over the death of my fellow pastor. I did not have the honor of knowing him personally, but somehow, I feel strongly connected to him in ways that are hard to explain. I will never be able to imagine how his very last moments were. I am overwhelmed just imagining how deeply sad, confused, and helpless he was.
I am more overwhelmed realizing that sometimes, it may have to take someone else’s death to teach us how to live — to take care of each other, to take care of ourselves, and to allow God ultimately to take care of us all.
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Author’s email: [email protected]
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