For Thanksgiving Sunday, even as it is also First Advent Sunday, I was requested by the worship committee to share my testimony that has made thanksgiving a meaningful event for me.
Many of you know that for 10 years now, I have been a recipient of a transplanted kidney since Oct. 19, 2006 at the National Kidney & Transplant Institute.
It is a long but now- shortened, rollercoaster type of story but I will share with you some of my reflections on this truly life-changing event for which I offer to God my life-long thanksgiving and gratitude.
I developed a chronic kidney failure condition way back in 1995 due to largely-uncontrolled and ignored hypertension, most probably because of the stress related to my work then as dean of the Silliman Divinity School.
It was only when I collapsed and suffered vertigo with severe anemia that I had to go to the hospital and consult my doctor. There, my developing kidney problem was discovered. I went immediately to NKTI to check with a nephrologist. After a series of laboratory tests, I was told of the painful truth that I was living with just 25 percent of my kidney function, and my chronic kidney failure was progressive and that it can no longer be reversed.
My doctor told me it could only be three years or less before I would need dialysis, and an eventual kidney transplant.
Through a radical change of lifestyle and diet, religiously taking the prescribed medicines and at the same time, resorting to some alternative medication like acupuncture, reflexology, and some herbal supplements, my condition, especially kidney function gradually improved.
My doctor, however, reminded me that all I could do is just prolong the life of my kidneys, or postpone the end stage, but that I cannot escape the eventuality.
In early 2006, I collapsed again while doing a pastoral prayer at the Chapel of the Evangel. I had to be rushed to the NKTI where my doctor declared what I had been trying to avoid: “You have reached the end stage, and you now need dialysis, and even while you are having dialysis, you also need to plan for an eventual transplant if you want to be healed.”
I felt my whole world collapsing then, but I would not let depression take over me.
With so much help from my wife Becky, and my brothers and sisters, we were able to make plans, how, and where to get started with dialysis, and plan for an eventual transplant.
I went through a four-hour dialysis procedure twice a week for the next six months.
At the same time, my family thought we had solved the problem of a kidney donor for the transplant. Our youngest sibling Noli immediately offered to be my donor. I was so happy, and I started looking forward to the day of the transplant.
Unfortunately, the weekend before we would take him to the NKTI for the necessary laboratory clearance and compatibility checks, my brother Noli was shot and killed by a still-unknown assailant.
Noli was a victim of the extrajudicial killings so rampant during those days. He was an environmental activist, and a devoted organizer of communities affected by the rising pollution in Laguna Lake due to the tons of toxic waste flowing into it from the lakeside factories, and the increasing denudation of Mt. Makiling to give way to an exclusive subdivision.
I can’t describe how I felt at that time. It was a combination of deep anger, rage, frustration, and I somewhat falling into depression.
But the flood of support from friends, relatives, fellow church workers, members of other churches, Catholic priests, sisters, friends from abroad, with their prayers and assurances of solidarity, helped so much in sustaining me during those times.
And then a flood of offers to become my donor also came: a fellow pastor, a student of mine, a spouse of my student, a friend of my student, from Visayas, Mindanao, Luzon. I was overwhelmed, and they really buoyed up my spirit and revived my hope.
Unfortunately, all of them failed in the initial laboratory screening. And so we were back to zero.
Finally, my surgeon talked to me about the possibility of having an outside donor who was offering his kidney for a fee. With no other choice, I gave it a try. A young Muslim man, 21 years old then, married, with a newborn baby, with no job nor income to feed his family, turned out to be having an almost-perfect compatibility with me. My doctor told me, “You are like brothers in your cross-matching and tissue typing results.” Finally, I had a chance to receive a new kidney.
The day before the procedure, my doctor visited me in my room, and asked if he can have a mass first before my transplant. Aware of my being a pastor, he said, “I do this every time I do a transplant. I always ask God to help me, guide my hands in doing the procedure.” I said, “By all means, Doc, by all means, go ahead! We all need God’s help and guidance in this very important procedure.”
Aware now my surgeon as a God-fearing doctor, I felt more at peace, knowing that my life is in the hands of a doctor who allows God to lead him in saving the life of his patient.
After being wheeled into the operating room, sedated and feeling so groggy, the anesthesiologist softly told me, “Sir, I will put you to sleep na ha.” At that moment, I was thinking as I closed my eyes, it may actually be the last time and that I may never be able to open my eyes again.
Even with an earlier assurance from my surgeon that kidney transplants nowadays are almost-routine, and have a success rate of even more than 95 percent survival in the first five years, I was still thinking, “How about if I fall in the five percent who would not make it?” A little anxiety set in.
Eventually, I resolved to myself, “This is it, Lord, if I live, thank you; if I die, it’s okay. But I know that if you so will it, I can be healed, just like the prayer of the leper. But it’s up to you, bahala ka na, Lord. I can only trust.”
And then I really thought I was only out for a second or two, and when I opened my eyes and found myself in another room, the recovery room, I heard a voice, “Sir, it’s over. You have a new kidney. We are bringing you to the ICU to monitor closely your new kidney.” In less than 24 hours, I was transferred to my regular room and stayed there for the next 10 days.
Having the gift of life is itself a sacred gift and trust we should always care for and treasure well. And we have to live this life always in the spirit of thankfulness.
All the more so, if it is a gift of a second life, with a second chance to do things better, with a second chance to serve our Creator, so as to make this life make a difference in the life of others.
As I look back and reflect on this experience I remain still in great awe at this life- renewing experience I went through. This is definitely real amazing grace for which no amount of thanksgiving will be adequate. I just can’t imagine God using a young Muslim guy to provide for a gift of new life for a Christian pastor. But that’s precisely what happened.
God can really work in many surprising and unexpected ways that transcend cultural and religious boundaries, all because of the mystery of God’s amazing grace.
In the end, we do not have to negotiate with God as if asking God to do this and do that, and in exchange I will do this and do that. No, God does not enter into a kind of transactional relationship with us. He only wants a relationship of trust, faith and obedience, just like what the leper declared, “Lord, if you will it, I can be made clean,” as he also fell down on his face before Jesus.
It is total surrender, submission to the will of God. God knows our every need, and whatever is in our heart and mind. He knows our struggles and our pains, our idiosyncrasies, our secrets, our pride.
God certainly knows what to do with each one of us. We can be assured that God works and acts only in accordance with his restoring, healing love, and his amazing, surprising grace. You will just be surprised and amazed.
Finally, we can only live each moment, each day always in the spirit of thanksgiving that never ends, always finding something to be thankful for, instead of always looking at things to complain about and be bitter about.
Indeed, we are called to a life of thanksgiving as we also usher in the season of Advent, the season when God will soon reveal the most amazing act He has ever done, the season we should all the more be thankful, the season when God gave his greatest gift to all of us — the gift of the life of our savior Jesus the Christ.
