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At peace with myself

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“I have many faults and I have many fears, but I am going to embrace myself as hard as I can, and I’m starting to love myself, little by little.”

Kim Namjoon of BTS said these words in a speech which he delivered before the United Nations General Assembly to kick off the launching of the UN’s new youth initiative, Generation Unlimited, a project intended to tackle the global education crisis, and make education more accessible for young people.

This was not the first time that BTS had partnered with the UN. In November 2017, BTS launched the “Love Myself” campaign with UNICEF, building on the belief that true love first begins with loving one’s self.

They partnered with UNICEF’s #ENDviolence program to protect children and young people all over the world from violence.

The concept of “Love Myself” started long before this partnership. This has been a recurring theme in their music, and one which struck a deep chord within me.

For years, I struggled with low self-esteem, caught in a vicious cycle of loathing what I have become, and letting myself go, and then hating myself even more. I felt ugly and couldn’t stand my fat, old self which is a far cry from how I looked like when I was younger.

But I heard BTS. I paid attention. And I realized that my misery was not my pain alone.

My sadness and my self-hate were causing pain to everyone else around me. I couldn’t love them properly because I could not love myself in the first place.

And so I learned from my beautiful boys that to love others, I must love myself first, and accept myself for who and what I am, flaws and all.

It’s an ongoing struggle for me. I’m not there yet, but I seem to be making progress because my daughter said to me that she likes me better now, and that BTS is the best thing which ever happened to both of us.

When I asked why, she answered that I used to have ominous thunderclouds and lighting hovering over my head at all times. Now there’s just drizzle every now and then.

I have this group of seven young men to thank for this, seven human beings who are as vulnerable as we all are to life’s daily struggles, although I’d say that they have more on their plates because of their worldwide superstar status.

I also have my new friends at Bangtan Moms and Noonas to thank for the support, camaraderie, and sense of family that they give to me.

This is a Facebook group of 550+ older women like me (plus one oppa) who are ARMYs. Most are moms from the US and Europe but there are also Filipinos and other Asians in the group.

Some were influenced by their teenaged daughters who were ARMY first. Accompanying them to BTS concerts in the US got them pulled helplessly into the fandom as well.

Others like me discovered BTS first, and dragged our daughters along.

Some said they encouraged their children to listen to BTS music because of the positivity that they espouse. Unlike most Western artists who couldn’t seem to write music or make music videos without incorporating sex, violence and dirty language into them, BTS is all about working hard and making sacrifices for your dreams, overcoming difficulties, or simply addressing issues facing young people in their generation like societal and parental pressures, suicide, and mental health.

The fact that they wear stage make-up should not blind parents from the positive impact that they are having on millions of young people all over the world.

BTS is way more than taste in music. To embrace this group is to embrace the entirely of what they are. They are more than the sum of their parts. They are not just their music, but they are beautiful, poetic words and lyrics, they are role models, they are positive messages to the youth around the world, they are each of their individual members with all their lovable personalities, qualities and idiosyncrasies, they are laughter and tears, they are the voice which encourage others find their own voices, to speak out and be heard.

And for many, they are the strength to carry on despite their struggles because it’s okay to have problems, as long as you do not give up, as they have not given up.

One of my favorite BTS songs was written by another musical prodigy, a prolific songwriter, composer, and producer who goes by the stage name Suga (Min Yoongi).

In his song titled Never Mind, he said “if you feel like you’re going to crash, accelerate more.”

Those who know me best are aware that I have pretty high standards. So for me to care so deeply for this group is a testament of how special they are because of their impact on my personal life.

What I have should not be dismissed as a hormonal, now-postmenopausal woman’s last desperate hold to youth or manifestations of one undergoing midlife crisis but rather, this can be seen as 51-year old me growing into a happier version of myself.

Having come into that rare moment of epiphany with the help of BTS, I’ve learned that losing that glow of youth is not so bad after all, so I should love myself and consider myself beautiful, white hairs, wrinkles, flabs, and all.

(Continued next week)

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Author’s email: [email protected]

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