LOUIS MISSOURI — No, we’re not yet done talking about the misgendering situation.
Just last week, I woke up to a social media firestorm involving a waiter, a transwoman, and a restaurant in Cebu, the Queen City of the South. An irate onlooker posted a photo and a scathing commentary, condemning Jude Bacalso, a Cebu-based transwoman and personality, for allegedly subjecting a waiter to a two-hour lecture on gender sensitivity after he misgendered her by addressing her as “Sir” instead of “Ma’am,” despite her presenting as a woman with a beehive bouffant and full makeup.
The post, unsurprisingly, went viral, sparking widespread outrage. The public criticized Bacalso for what they perceived as classist and undignified behavior towards the waiter. Bacalso, clearly upset by the misgendering, responded to the backlash with a statement. She clarified that her intention was not to humiliate the waiter, whom she acknowledged had made an honest mistake, but to use the incident as a teaching moment to correct and educate.
In the wake of the incident, the restaurant issued a statement asserting their commitment to diversity and inclusion and mentioned that they were handling the situation internally. However, there has been no public comment from the waiter involved in the incident–siya ra gyud intawon makasulti for sure ug giunsa siya pagstorya ngadto.
Yet, what was more disturbing than Bacalso’s allegedly crass and offensive behavior was the public’s equally crass and offensive reaction on steroids. Many of the shots fired at Bacalso were not only vile and vitriolic but also deeply transphobic. Instead of focusing on Bacalso’s actions, much of the discourse devolved into ridiculing her physical appearance and repeatedly misgendering her with male titles and pronouns ranging from repeated taunts of ‘SIR!’ to ‘Manong’, ‘Angkol’, and others.
The incident quickly became fodder for cruel memes, comparing Bacalso to The Little Mermaid’s Ursula, and posts insisting that female titles and pronouns should be reserved exclusively for biological females who endure the inconveniences of monthly periods and agony of pregnancy–as if menstruation and childbirth are the essence of women (they are not). In an instant, those who usually present themselves as civil and professional revealed a darker side, morphing into playground bullies with a voracious appetite for debasing and dehumanizing others.
Those who aimed solely to hurt Bacalso didn’t realize the broader impact of their actions. Their attacks did more than just nick Bacalso’s feelings or reputation; they also affected the wider LGBTQ+ community, particularly those who have been fighting tirelessly for recognition and acceptance.
The vitriol and mockery directed at Bacalso underscored a lack of understanding and empathy that reverberated far beyond this single incident. It sent a chilling message to other transgender individuals and members of the LGBTQ+ community: that their identities could be dismissed and ridiculed in the public sphere. For many of my friends from the community, this brought back memories of childhood bullying and abuse. For those who have been battling for their right to be seen and respected, this incident was a stark reminder of the ongoing prejudices they face daily.
Moreover, the public’s response highlighted the precariousness of progress in LGBTQ+ rights. Each ridicule and every transphobic comment not only wounds the individual but also chips away at the collective efforts to foster inclusivity and equality. Now, before some of you get all riled up again, the purpose of this piece isn’t to defend Bacalso, who is capable of standing up for herself. This commentary aims to elevate the ongoing conversation and unpack the deeper issues festering underneath all the drama.
What’s in a Pronoun? OA lang ba?
Many criticized Bacalso for what they perceived as an overreaction to the waiter’s trivial mistake. However, this raises an important question: Is misgendering someone truly a trivial issue, and is it unreasonable to be offended or upset by it?
Misgendering goes beyond a simple slip of the tongue; it fundamentally denies a person’s identity and can be profoundly hurtful. For transgender individuals and other members of the LGBTQ+ community, being correctly identified is a basic affirmation of their existence and dignity. Dismissing misgendering as trivial minimizes the emotional and psychological impact it has on those who experience it regularly.
Moreover, misgendering contributes to a broader culture of disrespect and discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community. It perpetuates harmful stereotypes and reinforces the marginalization of an already vulnerable group. Recognizing and respecting someone’s chosen pronouns is a simple yet powerful way to show support and validate their identity.
As cisgender individuals (those whose gender identity aligns with the sex we were assigned at birth), we often take for granted the ease with which our gender is recognized and respected. This privilege means we rarely, if ever, face the discomfort or invalidation that comes with being misgendered. For us, being addressed correctly in social, professional, and public settings is a given, not a privilege, not something we have to assert or fight for.
However, for transgender and non-binary individuals, this validation is not always a given. Misgendering can occur frequently and serves as a reminder of their marginalized status within society. Each instance of misgendering can feel like a personal affront, a denial of their true self, and a reinforcement of exclusion.
Understanding this disparity is crucial in fostering empathy and respect. Misgendering is anything but minor; it is a reflection of deeper societal issues that disregard the identities and experiences of the LGBTQ+ community. Acknowledging our privilege as cisgender individuals is the first step towards being more mindful of the impact our words and actions have on others.
A lot of people fail to understand that while sex is determined by the stuff you have between your legs, as well as the chromosomes you were born with, gender identity is, gender identity is a deeply personal, intrinsic sense of who you are. It is not solely defined by biological factors but is a complex interplay of biology, culture, and individual experience.
Gender identity is how we perceive ourselves and what we call ourselves. It can correspond with or differ from the sex we were assigned at birth. For example, someone assigned female at birth may identify as male, female, both, neither, or anywhere along the wildly colorful gender spectrum. This identity is an integral part of a person’s core sense of self and deeply influences how they interact with the world and how they expect to be perceived and treated by others.
Gender identity is also ffirmed through social roles, behaviors, clothing, and other expressions. It’s a lived experience that is shaped by societal expectations and personal feelings. Regardless of whether it conforms to traditional or societal norms, each one’s gender identity deserves respect and recognition.
Recognizing that gender identity is not just about physical characteristics but also about one’s sense of self and place in the world can help us move towards a society that respects and validates each person’s lived reality.
He, She, They–Ay Ambot It’s Complicated!
Culture adds another layer of complexity to the discourse on misgendering, though it should not be used as a convenient excuse. For instance, Philippine languages such as Cebuano use non-binary pronouns. Regardless of one’s appearance or biological sex, everyone is referred to as “siya.” This linguistic approach is straightforward and inclusive, eliminating the need for gendered pronouns.
However, gendered pronouns like “he” and “she” were introduced to the Philippines during the colonial period and have since become embedded in the language, influenced by American culture. This colonial legacy complicates modern conversations about gender and identity. While traditional Philippine languages offer a more inclusive framework, the widespread use of gendered pronouns and the challenge of code switching between these languages has made things a bit more complicated for some people.
Understanding this cultural context is essential in conversations on misgendering and gender identity. It highlights the need for being intentional in terms of sensitivity and awareness in our interactions with others. Recognizing that the use of gendered pronouns is a relatively recent development can help us appreciate the inherent inclusivity of our linguistic heritage and strive to reclaim and incorporate these inclusive practices in our daily lives, regardless of what language we use to communicate.
This awareness can bridge cultural and linguistic gaps, fostering a more respectful and understanding environment for everyone, regardless of their gender identity. Whether we like it or not, whether we are aware of it or not, language and culture shape the way we look at the world and interaction with others.
Embracing inclusivity and respect in all aspects of communication is a work in constant progress but the more we practice it, the more it comes natural.
Ally-ally Kuno
Over the years, there have been persistent calls in our country for the passage of the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Expression (SOGIE) Equality Bill, also known as the Anti-Discrimination Bill. This series of legislative proposals aims to prevent discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity, or expression. Despite these efforts, the bill has been stalled for over two decades due to various political and social obstacles.
The recent drama surrounding Jude Bacalso serves as a litmus test for the public’s true attitudes towards the LGBTQ+ community. It provided a convenient excuse for many to express pent-up prejudices, revealing the deep-seated biases that still exist. The outburst against Bacalso highlighted a troubling reality: while some people profess to be allies of the LGBTQ+ community in their words, their actions often betray a lack of genuine support and understanding.
Many may outwardly claim to champion equality and profess allyship, but when faced with real-life situations that challenge their beliefs or comfort zones, their true feelings emerge. This reveals a significant barrier to achieving genuine and lasting legislative and social change.
The ongoing struggle to pass the SOGIE Equality Bill highlights the need for a more profound shift in societal attitudes. Education and awareness are crucial in dismantling the prejudices that hinder progress. Fostering a deeper understanding of gender identity and sexual orientation, begins at home and is reinforced in schools, in workplaces, in all the spaces where we meet, greet, and treat others.
By all means, call out the bad behavior but leave out the poison, the transphobia. You will still get your point across.
Mao ra na, mga MamSer.
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Author’s email: [email protected]
