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Consequences of misbehavior by expats

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Today’s column discusses unpleasant aspects of life in the Philippines, particularly where expats are involved. I’ll discuss both good and inappropriate behavior by foreigners living here, its impact on society, and on other expats.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I’d been informed of grim details regarding the murder of Filipina Maribel Glazier. Until a few days ago, she was a beautiful, vibrant mother of two, a graduate from Silliman University, and had a career as a registered nurse in Dumaguete.

Maribel lived in Valencia, but apart from her estranged American husband. Everything dramatically changed when she was found dead, probably murdered, and buried in a one-foot grave in a property she owns in Valencia.

Her husband is assumed to be financially wealthy. He’s also been confirmed by the police as a “person of interest.” That’s a polite way of saying he’s a suspect in his wife’s murder. His girlfriend is also being held for questioning. I want to emphasize here that both are presently assumed innocent by the law, if not necessarily by the public.

Two previously-innocent daughters, ages 10 and 12, are unfortunate casualties of this tragedy. They face a lifetime of pain and confusion resulting from their mother’s untimely death.

In one violent moment, they’ve lost both their parents. Based on information I’ve received, it’s possible that one of the daughters may know what happened. Hopefully, she didn’t witness the murder.

I will no doubt incur wrath because of the following comments, but here goes anyway. At least one foreigner is murdered locally each year where we live. Rarely, if ever, does a prosecution happen that results in the successful prosecution of the killer of the foreigner being brought to justice.

When expats are involved, police authorities never, as they did with the Maribel Glazier murder case, promise that “no stone will remain unturned” in the efforts to find justice.

I find the double standards problematic but understandable.

Regarding other misbehavior by expats, I also know of one who had behaved badly towards women here. He liked many girls. While that, in itself, is not a crime, he used them quickly, then moved on to the next. Then he made one girl pregnant but refused to take responsibility. Not only did he promptly end the relationship, he also refused to pay any child support, claiming the baby was not his. A paternity test would be needed to either prove or disprove that possibility. Interestingly, other expats formed a support group for the new mother, and helped move the process along, whereby the offending expat would eventually be held accountable. A paternity test was done which confirmed that the expat was indeed the child’s father. He still refused any financial support, was subsequently jailed, but eventually agreed to pay long term child support, and was released from jail.

It speaks well of the expats that they were so disturbed by another foreigner’s misbehavior, they turned on him to protect the Pinay and her child. And rightly so!

When researching for a previous article in the MetroPost, I was disturbed to find a significant number of complaints made by Pinays involved with expats about child and spousal abuse. It’s clear both sides of the equation are occasionally responsible for misbehavior.

Regardless, I unfailingly condemn any man, be it expat or Filipino, who uses his power to terrorize any woman or child. That power is often seen at its ugliest when money is involved.

Most abuse cases are withdrawn when this misfortunate woman is close to being homeless, and watching her children’s constant hunger. The reality they face on a daily basis because of remaining in the relationship is heart-breaking to contemplate.

While there are also many examples of excellent expat and Pinay relationships, and also significant good behavior by expats in general, it’s also not unusual to hear examples of expats being taken advantage of by the Pinays.

It may sound harsh but I’ve zero sympathy for these men. They foolishly believe the unbelievable, and subsequently pay the consequences of their naivete, vanity, and delusions. Had they understood the rules of the game, what was really involved, they would have been fine. But if not, disappointment and bitterness are inevitable.

What’s unfortunate about the misbehavior of some Pinays is that they cast a negative impression on the vast majority of well-intentioned Pinays who behave with integrity and honor. Unfortunately, the same negative impact applies for the majority of good expats because of the misbehavior by a few.

What’s the level of negative fallout going to be from the murder of Maribel Glazier regardless of whether her American husband is convicted or not? The damage to good living expats has been negative. Expats will continue to be negatively-impacted. To what extent, it’s not possible to know.

I’d advise expats to be vigilant over the next month, and watch out for those dark looks you may understandably receive from locals because of this recent horrific murder.

Much depends on how the general media, especially social media, portray the events. Regardless of who is proven to be responsible for Maribel’s murder, he/she/they were clueless in their planning and escape.

But I don’t care about whoever did the foul deed. It’s Maribel Glazier’s family and her two children I ache for.

If there’s any significant increase in misbehavior by expats against Pinays, it’s possible that foreigners wanting to come and live in the Philippines will eventually be barred from entry.

It’s unlikely but also possible that those of us who live here at present may be told to leave. Is that what any of us expats, or the Pinays and their children in our lives want or deserve?

Perhaps the message we expats can take from this tragedy is to always be conscious of our duty and our obligation, and to always behave appropriately. We must always remember we’re guests of the Philippine people. It’s like entering someone’s home, therefore, we must always behave respectfully.

Footnote: After this column was filed with the MetroPost, I learned that the person of interest and his girlfriend had been released from custody without being formally charged. Investigation into the murder of Maribel Glazier is ongoing.

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Author’s email: [email protected]


 

 

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