SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA — I’m losing my religion.
I’ve been living in Australia for eight years and the longer I stay here the more I’m becoming an Easter/Christmas churchgoer. It means I only go to church during Easter or Christmas — sometimes not even during Easter or Christmas.
I grew up exposed to what everyone in the Philippines was exposed to. I went through saying the rosary at school, attending religious convocations, going to church every Sunday and seeing the whole country believe in God and heaven. Everytime there are problems, friends and people would automatically say “we’ll pray for you.” It was the default reply to hardship — praying.
Easter in the Philippines is all about atoning for your sins, giving up on your favourite things, going to church, keeping quiet, saying prayers — even violent bloody self flagellation. In Australia, Easter is about the bunny, the chocolates, the long weekend, and the Easter hat parade. There are people who go to church, but according to a latest survey, they are more likely the Easter/Christmas churchgoers as well.
When we go through tough times and friends ask what they could do to help out, it is hard for me to tell them to say a little prayer for us. I’m not saying Australians are heathens, I’m just not sure whether or not my request would offend them. It’s not a religious country like the Philippines. I’m still quite uncertain what the protocol is here for faith and religious beliefs.
Now that I have a daughter, I am uncertain on what path to lead her. Being not very religious myself, I was mainly reliant on being required to go to religious convocations in highschool and university. On my own, I don’t go to church every Sunday nor do I read the Bible. But even during times when I questioned the beliefs of the church I grew up going to, I still never stopped having faith. You can’t erase 21 years of indoctrination in a country where prayer is believed to be the most powerful tool.
Being here changes everything. I was once looked at strangely after requesting to go to church on Christmas Eve. Sometimes I find myself forgetting that I have the option to go to church if I wanted to. Last year, I’m not even sure I went to church at all.
My daughter is only two years old but I have never introduced to her the concept of God, Jesus, the Virgin Mary, or heaven. I don’t know how I’m going to introduce it to her or if I should. Do I go to church with her every Sunday like my parents used to with us? What religion should I introduce her to given I’m not even sure what religion I follow myself? How do I introduce to her the concept of praying? How do I explain to her why some people pray and others don’t? How do I explain the connection between eating chocolates on Easter, waiting for the Easter bunny and Jesus coming back from the dead?
Like it isn’t hard enough just meeting the everyday needs of a child, now I have to figure out how to fill in her spiritual needs as well. Do I wait until she’s old enough to understand the concept of religion and religious belief? Do I start her early so she’s still innocent enough not to question the concept of God and heaven? What about hell? Do I include that information? Do I tell her about the scary fires of hell and why some souls go there? How do I explain what the soul is anyway?
Growing up, I was made aware of hell and purgatory at a very young age. So much so that when I know I’m doing something naughty or bad I immediately question whether that’s a point for me in hell. Should I put my child through the fear of hell and purgatory? Or should I just send her to some Sunday school and place on them the responsibility of educating my child in religious beliefs?
It would have been much easier if I were certain of my own beliefs. If I never questioned every single church I went to. If I never got tired of going to church every Sunday. My memories of the family going to church together were one of the best of my childhood. I admit I didn’t like it as a child — what child would? But it was time together with the family and we had a great time. I just don’t know how to start it with my own family now or when.
If you have any suggestion, I would greatly appreciate it. Because right now, I certainly have nothing.