Once I was living in America. I knew next to nothing about the Philippines or the Filipinos.
As it happened, I became friends with a group of Filipinos in New York, and made a dinner date with them for 6pm. They were driving in from another city for the evening. It was winter; there was cold rain, then freezing rain, and then heavy snow. It got dark. 6pm came and went, then 7pm, then 8pm. No one showed up. I began thinking of accidents, smashed cars, injuries, hospitals.
Finally, around 9pm, the doorbell rang. I went to the door, half expecting a grim faced policeman bringing bad news. Instead, my friends came in, smiling, seeming none the worse for the delay. “What happened?” I said anxiously, “Are you all right?”Of course, they were all right.
I just didn’t realize that to them, “6pm” meant “whenever we get there”.
They meant no offense, and were surprised at my concern. That was my first experience with “Filipino Time”, and here in Dumaguete, I have learned to live with it.
Foreigners who come here to live have trouble getting used to the general vagueness of the promises and commitments they get from people they know.
At first, this seems to be a general rudeness, and lack of concern for others in the culture around them.
But often, what seems to be rudeness is actually an effort to avoid giving offense.
No one wants to hurt anyone else by pointblankly refusing an offer to go for dinner, or to do a favor for a friend. So they say “yes” with a smile, not knowing if they can do it or not.
If you ask a lady, “Can we meet at 6?,” she will agree, even though she knows that her rich aunt is coming to see her at 5:30, and will spend at least an hour chatting. But she can’t let you think that the aunt is more important to her than you are, even if the aunt really is more important. And maybe she can’t kick her aunt out early either because she owes her money. So she shows up smiling for her date with you at 7:00, feeling she’s done well to show up at all.
Once you understand this system, you will become as vague about time as everyone else is.
Time becomes a kind of fog you live in, a fog without boundaries.
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Author’s email: john.stevenson299@gmail.com
