Men all over the world have no doubt in which country they’ll find the most beautiful, passionate, and intelligent women: It’s in the Philippines.
Because Pinays regularly win a diverse range of world beauty pageants, there’s a strong argument to be made for permanently excluding them from all competitions.
They have substantial advantages over women from other countries.
I doubt if I’ll ever come to terms with the astonishing beauty of Philippine women. They are literally breathtaking.
I’ve lived on every continent apart from Antarctica, and had believed, until I came to live here, that the most amazing women lived in Colombia, South America. Wrong!
But, and isn’t there always a but, caveats apply for any foreigner and Pinay considering a long-term relationship.
I used to consider a long- term relationship lasted a weekend, but my view on that has evolved. Because of the large numbers of foreigners living here, Negros Oriental could be used as an appropriate case study for relationships.
I’ve noticed a significant increase in the number of foreigner-Pinay couples strolling around Dumaguete. They’re all involved in one of the five relationship stages I recently wrote about in this column.
Now let’s be brutally honest. Why would any beautiful, 20-, 30-, or 40-years young Pinay want to spend any time with an aging, often- overweight, and occasionally- unhealthy foreigner, 30- or perhaps 40 years her senior?
To the objective observer, it suggests motives other than love on both their parts. Also, there are obstacles to overcome that the couple would have conveniently ignored in the beginning when everything sparkled, at least for the foreigner, who can hardly believe his good fortune in having such a charming, beauty on his flabby arm.
The following are examples of challenges they will face.
The significant age difference creates generational issues. She loves Lady Gaga. He’s never heard of her, but adores Frank Sinatra and Benny Goodman. She has high energy, and wants to dance and party at night. He doesn’t. His idea of a late night is going to bed at 10 o’ clock. That’s precisely when she wants to go out. She wants to travel and experience life. He’s already done that, and now wants to travel no further than to the nearest sportsbar.
She expects him to financially assist her large family. He wants little to do with them, and is startled when belatedly realizing he’d married into a family of 50 Filipinos.
She told him she’d be submissive. He nearly wet himself with excitement when assuming she’d do anything he wanted, things he’d long dreamed of doing, but never could. Unfortunately for him, her concept of submissiveness had nothing to do with sex. She meant general decision-making, especially at home. Then she’d be submissive, but even then, only provided that she agrees with his position.
She’s classic Pinay, wanting to fulfil her womanhood by having a baby or three. He doesn’t. His youngest child is older than his new wife. The last thing he wants is a baby screaming during the night while constantly interrupting his precious sleep.
So what is her motivation? Is she “in love”? Probably not.
Is she hopeful she’ll eventually “fall in love” with the foreigner, or is her warmth solely economically- motivated? Possibly. Probably.
Some Pinays want to live in Europe, America, or Canada. But if her foreigner is intent on living in the Philippines, that’s not going to happen.
Plan B sees her seeking financial security for herself, her family, and her baby, if she already has one. Before committing, she’ll have made sure there’s no threat to her inheritance from former wives or children.
Depending on the foreigner’s age, he may live another five to 10 years, or God forbid, perhaps longer. He’ll be less active later on due to illness. She can tolerate that, and help him in his final years.
By then, it’s possible she may have developed a fondness for him, or, dare I say it, even love? Or he may instead disgust her on every level.
But assuming he still has good financial resources, that’s a solid investment for the Pinay who will still be relatively young when he dies. Then, a new life of personal and financial freedom will have justified her patience.
And what is his motivation? First, it’s important to acknowledge the thrill it is for an aging foreigner to have a beautiful, significantly- younger girl with him.
In America, and to a lesser extent, in Europe, he’d be viewed as a pervert, whereas here, it’s socially-acceptable.
Another, more important, long-term aspect is this Pinay relationship offers him an opportunity for redemption.
What am I talking about? The average age of the foreigner is 65. He’d been married at least once, perhaps twice, had children from those marriages, and has failed miserably as a husband and father.
Entering the final stage of his life, the Pinay relationship is his last opportunity to do the right thing, to be a good husband and father. It’s impossible to quantify the importance of this aspect.
I’ve been a failure as a husband and father. Twice. Shame on me if I disrespect my Pinay relationship by disappointing my lady who loves me unconditionally, and, as a result of my failure, by harming our wonderful daughter who has generously accepted me as her father.
So what’s real and what’s not? I can speak from personal experience, from observing other Foreigner- Pinay couples, and from knowing other such couples.
One relationship I knew wouldn’t last eventually ended recently. The foreigner involved has now returned to Europe. The Pinay now owns the lovely P20 million-home he paid for in cash. She also controls what was left in their bank accounts after his visit before leaving. When I recently met her outside Bo’s on Rizal Blvd., she started screaming at me about Pat. She was going to report him to the authorities, and make it impossible for him to ever return to the Philippines. I doubted his desire to ever return, and told her to stop complaining. OK, I told her to shut the bleep up. I said she now owns a beautiful home she’d never have had without meeting Pat, and also has significant cash. She was, perhaps understandably, annoyed with the way I spoke to her.
Since hell has no wrath worse than an angry woman, next time she saw my lady in Robinsons, she maliciously lied by claiming she saw me with other women. Witch!
And speaking of Robinsons, I recently observed a sad interaction there between a foreigner and his stunning, Pinay wife. I know them both, but him better than her. She was slapping him hard on his face, violently and with dark anger. Apparently, he’d caught her on not one, but two dating sites, while she was looking for action elsewhere. “Yes, now I’m getting my revenge!” she roared. Anyone within a five-kilometer range could hear her. Since Filipinos love drama, a sizable crowd had gathered to observe the show. The Pinay continued to scream and demonize their marriage of many years. She’d see an attorney first thing Monday morning. Then with smoke streaming from both ears, she indignantly stormed off, leaving the foreigner with head bowed, looking devastated.
I felt sorry for them, but significantly more so for their children. Sadly, that was not an isolated example of the dark side of Foreigner-Pinay relationships.
But I also know of many other couples who have, or seem to have, loving relationships. Their children are beautiful both in looks and attitude. It can, and often does work.
Unless desperation is a sufficiently powerful motivator, it would seem challenging for any relationship to survive in the absence of love, or at least mutual respect.
But even then, if both parties are honest with each other, the relationship can work. Even if the Pinay has no present love for her foreigner, if she makes him happy, why should anything else matter? While that sounds shallow, I believe it’s an acceptable arrangement, and arguably an honorable one.
In conclusion, I unreservedly recommend the Foreigner-Pinay relationship. All face the challenges couples everywhere have to deal with. Cultural and age differences can create additional difficulties, but when it works, it’s magical.
So if you are a foreigner or a Pinay, please proceed carefully, with eyes wide open, but be optimistic. If honesty and a willingness to adapt to each other’ s needs and attitudes is an integral part of the relationship, and there’s also a strong commitment, you will transcend all challenges and reap rewards that make the Foreigner-Pinay relationship unique.
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Author’s email: irishauthormichaelcassidy@gmail.com
