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Forgetfulness

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This is getting to be a habit–forgetting the names of people I am supposed to know.

I was having coffee with a friend in a café when this pretty young girl came up to me and said, “Hi, Tita Jess.” She then gave me a hug and kissed the air beside my cheek. “Oh, hi, ‘day. How are you? How’s your mom?” We exchanged more pleasantries and asked each other how we were each doing. When she finally left, I asked my friend, “Who was that?”

I was walking downtown when this young man I met flapped his arms in excitement, grabbed my hand and put it to his forehead. “Hi, Tita Jess.” “Hi, ‘dong,” I said. We were crowding the sidewalk so we said goodbye and moved on separately. And I asked myself, “Who was that?”

At the lobby of the movie house, a young man approached me, smiling brightly, and said hi. He must knew me very well or he wouldn’t offer his popcorn to me. “Who was that?” I asked myself again. How could I forget the name of such a handsome young man?

“Who was that?” is the question I keep asking myself nowadays.

Psychologists say that it is normal to forget things and names once in a while especially as we age. They say it has something to do with how the information is stored and processed in our memory and retrieved depending on the time that has elapsed since the time the information has been stored, or encoded. Did you get that? Neither did I.

I try to rationalize why I keep forgetting people’s names. I have observed that I forget the names of persons who I don’t meet or get to see too often. Something like, out-of-sight-out-of-mind. But on the other hand, I don’t forget the names and faces of friends and acquaintances even if I haven’t seen them in a long while just because I had a strong bond with them in the past.

I have also observed that I forget the names of people that I don’t see in places where I used to see them, or when I see them in an entirely different place or situation. The next time I saw the young man in the movie house, he was in his workplace where I used to go. When I saw him, his name just clicked in my mind, like the proverbial light bulb, and I was able to address him this time by his own name.

How many times did I have to go back to the house to check if I had turned off the stove or unplugged the iron?

And how many times did I declare my phone lost only to find it in the bottom of my bag?

Forgetfulness occurs to me, I have noticed, when there is a lot going on in my mind–a doctor’s appointment, a coming family event, bills to be paid. Then I couldn’t place the name of a famous actor that I’m watching on TV; I forget what day it is; or that it is time to cook dinner.

Forgetfulness also happens when there are too many distractions around you. I was making spaghetti sauce and got waylaid by what was on TV, until I smelled something burning in the kitchen. A telephone call that went on and on and I forgot that I had left the faucet running in the garden. I got ready to bake a cake–put out the butter to soften in room temp, separated the eggs, sifted the flour–but dirty dishes were still in the sink, the fridge needed cleaning, and the kitchen towels had to be washed. It was already dusk and there was no cake.

Simple words also tend to slip from my mind. One day, my granddaughter was asking for a word that could be the right term to use for a school essay she was writing, and I just went blank. I told her I knew the word but couldn’t remember it. I told her it was just at the tip of my tongue. She said, “Show me your tongue, Mama.”

I have read somewhere that to keep your mind active and alert, you should take up a hobby. A hobby is supposed to keep you from being bored. A hobby also allows you to meet new friends and to socialize. Most of all, a hobby challenges your mind to be creative since it requires concentration and therefore prevents the mind from slowing down and getting dull and idle.

You could also start to solve crossword puzzles and sudoku. When I happened to mention to my friend in Guam that I was hooked on sudoku, she brought me sudoku books as “pasalubong” every time she came to visit. I now have a collection of sudoku books a foot high. Reading also is said to boost brain power and exercises the mind.

An article I read in a magazine suggested that to keep your mind sharp and alert, you do simple and familiar things at home with your eyes closed. For example, in the bathroom when you’re taking a bath, you just feel around with your hands for the shampoo and soap, or open the faucet or shower with your eyes closed. This way, you test yourself if your mind could still remember where things familiar to you are placed and kept even when you are not actually seeing them. You can also do this, the article said, in your bedroom–feel with your hands where you hang the towel, where you placed your comb or hairbrush, where the lotions and creams are kept, or the drawer where you keep your underwear–with your eyes closed.

Been there, done that. I solved crossword puzzles from books, newspapers and magazines. I did sudoku until I became bleary-eyed. I became an avid hobbyist and I no longer struggled to fill my time because I pursued interesting activities that were supposed to serve as outlets for stress and lethargy. I went to the bathroom at night with my eyes closed even with all the lights off.

Then why I am still forgetful? Why do I still find myself in situations like holding a wire whisk in my bedroom, or putting salt in my coffee instead of sugar? I put on my eyeglasses to search for my eyeglasses. Young friends told me it was my age. But why is my 15-year old granddaughter forgetful too?

It’s nothing serious though I believe. Nothing like a friend who asked if she had had lunch when she already had lunch. Or another one who went to the bank and asked what she was doing there. That is serious memory loss.

For now, I can still get away with my being forgetful by using the words ‘day and ‘dong to replace the names of people I forget. But I must also be very careful not to get used to it, or I run the risk of calling the mayor ‘dong or my pastor ‘day.

______________________________________

Author’s email: [email protected]

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