LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — When I go to Facebook nowadays, it seems that quite a few people are posting about the state of their friendship with others. I’ve read about those who have taken advantage of their friends in the most disrespectful ways. These are people who may have totally forgotten, or have always been ignorant about, how respect, loyalty, devotion, and commitment should be even more pronounced between and among friends.
Some FB posts talk about people who get angry because their friend could not lend them the money to throw a party, going as far as insulting them and calling them unpalatable names. It is alarming to me that most of what you see on social media, like Facebook, is about betrayals and lies and disloyalties—among friends.
Maybe it’s just human nature?
There are many relationships in the human experience. Like the professional relationship between a patient and a doctor; the intimate relationship between sweethearts; the distrustful relationship between the prisoner and the guard; the sacred relationship between a person and his God, etc.
For as long as we have existed, some of us may have experienced one of these relationships at one time or another.
Relationships do not exact a toll on us. In fact, we are not even aware as we experience them. They just happen, like breathing. Relationships are important for human beings to interact with one another, and the type of relationship dictates the behavior needed to initiate and maintain that interaction.
All relationships require something of us, but don’t worry; it will be something that comes naturally, painlessly, subtly.
I think that as common as relationships are, there is one kind that is almost always taken for granted, and not discussed much—friendship.
Friendships between totally-unrelated people occur because they see in each other things they both like, or hate, or want, or have, or had. They share common experiences and aspirations, or maybe not. They each find the other worthy of respect and trust.
Now, doesn’t that sound like it could be any of us? Sure, it does, and that’s why we could be friends, or so we think.
I have my own take on friendship. I believe that unshakeable friendships stand on foundations of trust, respect, and loyalty, held together by a good measure of tolerance and sacrifice, and then glazed over with a coat of honesty.
It would be deceitful to forge friendships just to have that place to go to when there is nothing else to while away your time or no other set of ears to listen to you or eyes to see you.
Friendships provide warmth to your spirit when the cold of uncertainty comes creeping up on you. Friendships always guarantee permanent sets of ears to listen to you, eyes to see you, love to engulf you, and arms to prop you up when you’re down, unconditionally. Friends make you happy with their mere presence.
There is no hint of respect in the notion that friends are just people-in-waiting, there only as a second choice or worse, as a last resort—something you call upon only when conditions for you are right, or not.
They may not be in the best of health, but when you call and they come, they are sacrificing something for the friendship, for you. Rainstorms will not hinder them from coming to your aid.
It is hard to manage your life, your family, your work, and your friendships all at once, it’s true. However, while those other things bring you fulfillment and happiness, friendships will come with a bonus—loyalty, warmth, and support from those who are not even your blood.
Have you, at any time in your life, seen friends come through for you when even your kin leave you hanging?
If you say you have not, you’re probably the only person I know who can say, “Who needs friends when I have family?”
Most often than we desire, it is the opposite that’s true, although there certainly are exceptions. Sadly, the exceptions remain just that.
Sacrifice and tolerance are the main ingredients in friendships. Without them, everything else is superficial. They mask the imperfections in our friends, and make us a little more tolerant than our character allows.
Being critical about what a person is after the friendship is struck is belittling and deceitful. I wish sacrifices could be made easier, but they never are, and never will be. It is a matter of knowing this, and making a choice before plunging head-on into a friendship. There will always be sacrifices in friendships, period.
Just remember, a friend will tolerate you, sacrifice for you, and spend their time on you.
So when you find yourself not willing to do the same, well, you must ask yourself a question: Do I deserve to be someone’s friend?
In this world, what goes around, comes around.
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Author’s email: [email protected]
