Writing a positive article to express gratitude may be considered inappropriate for some people because of the circumstances in which we currently live. I disagree.
While our understandable tendency is to focus only on dark thoughts, I believe it’s more important than ever to change one’s thinking to positive thoughts, provided they have a foundation rooted in logic.
I challenge you not to let the current pandemic subjugate you any more than it inevitably has. Instead, decide to create hope. Without hope, we humans are condemned to wander aimlessly while drowning in a sea of fear, as we upset every person we interact with.
In time, this pandemic will be gone. It will become a distant memory. This article is my message of hope to you. Please read on, understand what’s being said, then consider how you might benefit from the idea.
Our current dilemma reminds me in some ways of a time when my life was in turmoil. I’d quickly gone from being a well-respected, immigrant success story to an embarrassing failure, then died. In the blink of an eyelid, everything was gone. I was deserted, alone. The accolades, the rapturous applause, and constant adoration had all been parts of a subtle illusion.
2001. The night before new owners moved into the house where my children had been raised, I lay on the floor in the study curled in fetal position, crying endlessly until dry stomach heaving replaced my tears.
Six months before, no longer willing to tolerate me — and understandably so — my wife had gone to France with the children for a month. Wisely, she never returned, and kept our children in Europe.
My businesses were being dissolved. The adoring, beautiful women who used to enthusiastically laugh at anything I said while I wined and dined them in San Francisco’s most expensive, if not the best restaurants had also disappeared, as had everybody else. I stumbled towards a bedroom, and tried unsuccessfully to sleep.
A month later, I physically died but was involuntarily resuscitated. Within a year, my life was resurrected, as ours collectively will be here when the present crisis ends.
One morning having little to do, I wandered into a coffee shop. My one remaining friend had recommended I write out what he called a Gratitude List.
I assumed he was joking but he was not. I halfheartedly decided to try it. Looking down at the yellow pad and pen on the table, nothing immediately came to mind for which I could be grateful. My life was a disaster on every level. I continued looking but experienced a complete blank.
Surprisingly after an hour or so, glimpses of reasons for gratitude began to enter my head. A few hours later, I’d drawn up a not-unimpressive list of aspects which I could, should, and would be grateful for.
That’s why today, I decided to remind myself of positive aspects in my current life. This article on Gratitude is probably the only one of its type you will read in any newspaper nationwide. Why? Because we as a species have been brutally beaten-up and, at least in the Philippines, there is no end in sight regarding when this capricious predator might be defeated. So the following is a partial list in no order of priority:
I am grateful for:
a) Each morning I wake up, instead of “coming to” — as I used to do for many years. Back then, I’d have a sledgehammer blasting deep into my scull while I tried to determine where I was and who, if anybody, I might be with. Pronounced dead at 52, then revived, nowadays I wake clearheaded while feeling no aches and pains, no physical discomfort. That’s surprising for a man in his 70s whose body has been through so many years of abuse and neglect.
By 8 in the morning, our live-in help Angie, who’s become a valued member of our family, would bring me a cappuccino made from freshly- crushed coffee beans.
b) The view from my bedroom that looks out on swaying palm trees and the blueness of the swimming pool. Beyond that are open fields with more palm trees, and the sea simmering further down. Yes, I’m definitely in the tropics!
c) The natural beauty that is to be seen everywhere on this island from high up on Mount Talinis to the world-famous marine reserves in the town of Dauin, including Apo Island close by.
c) The love and trust courageously given to me by one special lady, and her amazing daughter.
e) The acceptance generously given to me by various institutions and individuals in Dumaguete. They range from Foundation University President Dean Sinco who offered me a consulting position, also Dr. Charlotte Cariño, the devoted, long-term dean of the College of Business, who generously put me in the faculty.
f) The friendship with my now-deceased friend Dodo Bustamante and his wife Chining he so much loved. They had invited me into their home and their lives.
g) The people of Negros Oriental whose calm approach to life has helped me take my guard down, and learn not to be suspicious of every stranger I encounter.
h) A warm, dry, and clean bed in which I comfortably sleep. Also, a shower that blasts strong layers of water enabling me to refresh myself.
Rejoicing in those basic elements must sound ridiculous to others who’ve lived more sensible lives than me. But I’ll never forget being homeless, never knowing what I might eat, or if I’d ever eat, where I’d safely rest, perhaps even sleep, when darkness came.
i)Transcendental Meditation which I enjoy doing on a daily basis. It’s wonderful for calming even the most turbulent waters. Jai Guru Dev.
j) MetroPost editor-in-chief Alex Rey Pal, also his wife Irma who plays an important role in the newspaper’s success. It’s not by chance the MetroPost consistently receives national awards.
This year when the paper was awarded the Best Edited Weekly Community Newspaper in the Philippines, Alex, in typical Filipino fashion, downplayed his contribution, preferring instead give credit to everybody else involved in producing the paper. The really weird fact for me as a foreigner was that Alex showed that he genuinely believed what he said. We Westerners have much to learn from modest community leaders such as Alex Rey Pal.
When I began writing for the paper, I was a problem for Alex and Irma, particularly with the earlier articles. While encouraging me to always be honest and to write with integrity, Alex wisely urged caution when writing about sensitive, or indeed any political issues. Alex was a hundred percent correct. Coming from Ireland that was colonized for over 500 years by the British empire, and still partially is, I should have known it was rude and unhealthy for foreigners to comment on any local, provincial, or national political issues. Not only was his suggestion wise, it also kept me healthy by ensuring I avoided unplanned, enforced visits to the hospital.
k) Good Americans like Bill M. in Valencia whose constant good humor, cheerful disposition, and balanced political outlook is always refreshing to experience.
l) Another good American, also named Bill M., who lives in San Francisco, California who remains my most special friend since I arrived there a lifetime ago. Like all good friends, Bill always told me what I needed to hear, rather than what I wanted to hear.
m) The brownouts. Yes, I appreciate almost all of them. Let me explain why. They used to annoy me for some time after I arrived but now, I view them as minor inconveniences barely worth a shrug. When they happen, I simply go to my bedroom and meditate. They provide me with a welcome opportunity to be silent.
During my ‘round the world trip in 2018, I made a rare visit to America. There was a brief brownout in the area where I was staying. The residents immediately charged onto the streets, cursing the horrific inconvenience. Revolution seemed to be in the air. I was fortunate to escape safely when people noticed I was laughing at their spoiled brat behavior. Unlike here, they’d gone “mental” simply because of a brief power interruption. Seriously.
Not all relationships have been positive, but all have value. I classify them, whether positive or negative, as educational. If I make a decision not to learn from what seems to have been a mistake, I’ve consciously decided to learn nothing from the seemingly- negative experience. I try to learn every time, and refuse to allow my devilish ego, shrouded under a cloak of self-pity, to prevail.
The following is an example for which I’m grateful: I took pity on a Pinay who, despite being an honors graduate from a well-regarded university, and having a good salary working for a government agency, was living with her baby in what could most charitably be described as unsatisfactory conditions. Her failure to behave responsibly resulted in more unplanned pregnancies, from which two more babies were born. And no, I was not the father. Nothing romantic ever happened between us. Today, she remains unmarried. I don’t know if the same father was involved with all three children or not, or if he, or they, are providing any financial support. Saddened by her misfortunes, I gave her an interest-free loan to build a home. She had a lengthy repayment time frame.
Well, after the time for the debt to be fully repaid, she had given little back. Occasional pesos came through, but even getting that was an exhausting process.
At around the same time as the house loan, I unwisely also funded her pig-raising business. She had land and facilities available at her father’s place to raise the pigs. It seemed a low-risk business. Within six months, she’d run the business to the ground.
She began to miss, and continued to miss, almost all monthly payments. Even with a 50 percent cut in the monthly amount, and an increase in the time to repay, she still didn’t take care of that modest amount. She claimed not to be able to afford it. But according to her Facebook page, she could afford to regularly travel, and also do an MBA.
Let me make one relevant point clear. Although I’m comfortable financially, I’m far from being wealthy. I felt that the right thing to do was help this person, especially because of her children.
Clearly. it was a mistake! Or was it? Good and bad actions were done. If I measure the incident purely in terms of positive action, then my act of generosity was correct.
n) Subsequently, I funded a business venture for another lady I respected. She’s proven to be wise, hardworking, very good with her staff and clients, and has become successful. She always honors her financial obligations on time. Perhaps she represents an equitable counter balance to the other lady?
Those are just a few of many images of Gratitude that come to mind. Unfortunately, there’s only space for one more:
o) The “lark in the park” that I so much enjoy, which happens daily above and around the Valencia Park. Thousands of speedy birds that look like larks (nobody I’ve asked can tell me their actual name) return home at the park at precisely 5:14 every afternoon. You could safely set your watch based on their time of arrival.
Precisely 10 minutes later, these birds would enthusiastically soar in five dense groups, as they joyfully rise and fall in perfect symmetry. The sound of their chirping is loud, animated, and excited, as they noisily confirm their presence.
Just as quickly, as if orchestrated by some unseen conductor, they disappear into the acacia trees overlooking the park, where one can continue to hear them interacting and chattering. Eventually, exhausted from their day’s adventure, they put their heads on their breasts, and fall into deep slumber. These birds are a delightful example of Nature’s grace.
If the day ever comes when they fail to appear, it will be a message for me to leave this gentle refuge, and return to the unforgiving outer world.
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Author’s email: [email protected]
