When a politician friend lost his father last month, I was not able to attend the wake nor join him on the day of his father’s interment. I felt guilty. What made the feeling worse was that he invited me and joked, “you should come, the Bishop was looking for you because you are pro 174 reclamation.”
Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City and a frontrunner in the 2008 republican presidential nomination once said, “ Birthdays, weddings and similar celebrations are optional but a visits to the hospital, wakes and burials are compulsory”. I found the statement from the West of how to keep a relationship is also an Asian value and keeps on haunting me for my failure to join my friend face to face in his days of bereavement.
The same week, a former colleague from Davao (our assistant when I was the director in region 11 sometime ago) was in Dumaguete to visit her son, she wanted to have coffee with me and my spouse. Initially I answered her text message that, “we will find time to reminisce good old days before you proceed to region 9”. Unfortunately, there was no effort on my part to make good with the promise. She left the city without me seeing her and not getting any more messages from her.
Two weeks ago, the DOLE regional director of our region was also in Dumaguete. She had a meeting with social partners and used the occasion as her despedida for her retirement this month. She invited me to join the group and give a special message. While I was able to do it online, I failed to meet the representatives of the local officials and of the DOLE who were present with her in a local hotel. When she insisted to see me (she was our assistant when I was the director in region 6), I told her that she should only be with the driver and her technical assistant. I just entertained them outside the house and did not even care to invite them for dinner as I was so conscious about social distancing and removing the mask while talking/eating.
Within those weeks I did not feel good about myself. I was feeling guilty. I was struggling between my social responsibility and the strict compliance of the health protocols for senior citizens in the midst of a pandemic. I felt that I was not anymore my usual self. I found the situations very uneasy and thought of the days when I was always welcomed and entertained wherever I went in the different regions I was assigned to.
I wanted to go against the agreement we had at home but I was reminded by my family that, “you even retired early to be free from the exposure to covid-19 at work and now you will unnecessarily expose the whole family to a viral infection?” The records of Cebu, Davao and Negros Oriental vis-í -vis the pandemic are not very good. Yes, they may have produced negative RT-PCR tests for COVID-19 a few hours before they left but an infection could happen in transit as they interacted with other persons who could be COVID positive along the way.
The struggle was not only within me but also within the family.
I tried to convince myself with the thought that they are reasonable people and will understand the situation and my decision.
Yes, COVID 19 changed so many things. While it has allowed families to have more time for each other for bonding and making up for lost opportunities, it had also denied many others from performing their social responsibilities and celebrating special occasions with families and friends. I already celebrated two birthdays without the presence of our two kids and their families, our relatives and close friends.
Our home used to be the venue of regular celebrations of two big extended families (Ligutom and Legaspi) but for almost two years I rarely saw nor interacted face to face with my brother-in-law ( also a senior) even when our homes are adjacent to each other inside the subdivision. I have not visited nor met members of the family of a cousin located at Luke Wright St. in Dumaguete when he died last year. While I facilitated the coming in of my nieces from Davao last week for the burial of another cousin, I have yet to meet them.
COVID-19 is real. We just completed a two-week quarantine. Our daughter, the only very mobile person in the family started experiencing COVID symptoms last Oct. 18, was found positive in the rapid antigen test on the 19th. Had her RT-PCR test on the 20th and found positive on the 22nd. She isolated herself for 14 days, and came home Nov. 3 after she got the result of the test done after the holiday.
We were supported by close family friends. Neighbors of the subdivision provided us with foodstuff. The city government provided us (the whole family) with meals, 3x a day and we were informed that our daughter will get financial assistance also from the local government.
We experienced the agony and the scare of our lives especially when our grandson complained that he was not feeling well in the middle of the quarantine period and before we got the negative result of our RT-PCR test. While we, the couple and our daughter, are fully vaccinated, our apo and his bedridden father are not. What if the rest of us are also positive? Unthinkable situation!
Yes , am still suffering from or experiencing uncomfortable feelings about the omission but our sad and harrowing experience with COVID-19 may have made me guilty beyond reasonable doubt.
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Author’s email: [email protected]
