OpinionsEye OpenerHelping our kids flourish

Helping our kids flourish

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The CoViD-19 pandemic has made everyone’s life uncertain. With young people, it has made their future a life without a definition.

I encountered a book titled Ready or Not: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World, written as a guide for parents as it offers information about the challenges that today’s children face and what we can do to support them.

In many instances, we take the wrong approach as we nurture our kids’ success. We drive them through improbable outlooks and sometimes, we over-manage their lives (in the guise of protecting them), to the point that we have denied them the opportunities to grow and develop resilience. The book aims to show parents that by fostering more positive social-emotional skills–such as hopefulness, empathy, kindness, and humility–young people can be better prepared for the future they will be facing.

So how can we teach our children foundational skills like communication, responsiveness, teamwork, and modesty?

At the outset, we need to believe that the skills aren’t just nice addendums. They’re actually compulsory to being successful in life.

Before, being the smartest person in the class was an insurance to getting hired, But not anymore. What’s insurance now is the ability to work collaboratively, to have new ideas, and the ability to bounce back after a failure.

But how can we, as parents, actually nurture these skills in our children today? First, we need to stop being focused on performance and start being focused on process. Meaning, rather than asking our child, “Did you get an A?” We should ask, “How was that test?” or “How was your day?” The weight on performance gives your child the impression that his getting an A mark in school is the only thing that really matters.

Another thing we can do is to listen better. I still have to hear a kid saying “You know, my parents listened too much.” We can be a model of genuine curiosity, so it becomes a value that is important to them. You can ask, “What did you learn today?” or “What are you struggling with?”

Instead of sitting every weekend watching our kids playing basketball or being glued to his/her favorite K-drama on TV, we should be involved and be engaged in what they are doing. In short, we should do something that will make his/her world a better planet to live in. Don’t talk about who has the newest car at the dinner table, but talk about what’s going on in the world–climate change, things like that. If we start modeling curiosity, independence, creativity, and the importance of working collaboratively in a group, those are the things our kids are going to learn.

How can we parents help our kids sustain ultimate life skills such as hope and optimism when they are actually anxious or are struggling with fear on what will happen to them if this pandemic does not end early?

As a parent, our outlook on the world–optimistic or pessimistic, hopeful or not hopeful–has a great impact on our kids. Our language needs to change. Instead of interrupting and telling kids how to do something, which parents often do automatically, we need to change that and say something like, “I think you can handle this” or “You’ve got this”–something that instills confidence and optimism. We shouldn’t underestimate kids in terms of what they’re capable of learning and doing.

The future is a wave that’s either going to crush us or that we can learn to ride. I suggest that we parents must be optimistic and pay attention to the little things that children can do. Dinnertime conversations shouldn’t be about how everybody did on the test. Ask your kids what they think about politically. Or, what they think of the Indian kid in school.

Here is an excerpt from the poem entitled “Youth” by Samuel Ullman, a Jewish poet:

“Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust. Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what’s next, and the joy of the game of living.”

For our kids to flourish in an uncertain world, we need to engage them in the game called “living a life.”

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Author’s email: [email protected]

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