The existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre once said that “everything has been figured out, except how to live.” How exactly do we live? What is the purpose of living?
When I was still quite naïve, I used to think that the purpose of living is to be happy – that we invariably have to find happiness in our lives. But to begin with, I never thought about the definition of happiness; I never really figured out the meaning of happiness – how can one be happy? And how do I know if I’m genuinely happy?
The thing is, these existential questions often flow to your mind whenever you experience any form of crisis or chaos in your life. Back when I thought that to be happy was the purpose of living, I did not really experience any form of problem or disorder in a very orderly life. I did not have any experience – say, death of a loved one, or any emotionally traumatic event, and so on – that led to extreme suffering. Therefore, the time when I thought that happiness was the key to life was also the time when I did not experience any major setbacks in life.
Of course, there was always that existential dread of death in general, but it did not necessarily linger in my mind for a long period of time. It was just a fleeting thought that oft-times caused short-term anxiety.
Fast forward to the present, it seems that everything – my perspective of life and how to live it – has changed for better or for worse.
As I’ve written in my previous columns, I have undoubtedly been stricken with grief with the cavalcade of events that transpired in the recent years. Deaths of loved ones, some forms of betrayal, and other stressors or triggering events have caused me to look further from within in order to find a solution to the suffering I have been experiencing – the mental anguish that to varying extents, interminably or intermittently, linger in my mind.
At some point, I have come to a realization that to live is to suffer. We were born to die, and we will all reach that point in one way or another, so what is the purpose of living then? When one is devoid of happiness after all the things that he has gone through, what may be his impetus to live?
Negative emotions – like anxiety or devastation from traumatic events, like betrayal of trust, or death of a loved one, or self-loathing from an egregious act – will hold you back and make your life a living hell if you allow it to, while the positive emotions help you progress and move forward, or at least for some time, ameliorate the pain.
In my case, stagnation and the lack of purpose are oft-times the catalysts to the intrusive thoughts. When I’m done reading a book, or writing a paper, or playing a video game, or finishing a task at work, I still end up with the lingering thought – what’s next? What do I do now? Is this living?
I have thought about that almost every day for almost a year since the death of my best friend. If you don’t have any reason or purpose to live then the thoughts will eat you up.
Life is not all about being happy, as happiness is ephemeral – there is no permanence in it. Chris Cornell, frontman of Soundgarden and Audioslave, described it perfectly when he said that “no matter how happy you are, you can wake up one day without any specific thing occurring to bring into a darker place, and you’ll just be in a darker place anyway.”
So, what’s the end goal? I don’t know really. Perhaps, to find meaning in life? But what kind of meaning? And what if the negative things that happened (or are still happening) in your life become encumbrances in attaining or realize such meaning?
Well, I tell myself – albeit sometimes my foible is that I don’t oft-times believe in the things I tell myself – that if you dwell in grief and other negative emotions or past traumas, without a proper support system – family, spouse, close friends, and so on – then you will suffer immensely; and too much suffering is dangerous, as there are times when the mind cannot deal with all the chaos, and sometimes, if quite dangerously, it chooses to silence the chaotic thoughts.
So, what’s next? How do you deal with your mind if it becomes an encumbrance to find meaning in your life? The best thing to do really is to seek professional help. Find a therapist, or a psychiatrist. Allow them to help you.
The next best thing to do, and this really helped me a lot, is to find a purpose (no, not happiness) to live and open up a little. Do not build walls that are too high for you to climb out of, as there are still people who genuinely care, in spite of their flaws. (We are all flawed!)
Again, at the end of the day, it’s all about finding meaning in what you do – perhaps you can find this in your work (in my case, it’s teaching and writing history), or in your relationships with other people. Once you have this figured out, things will start at least start to make sense, though you will still not have all the answers to your questions.
Acceptance is also important. Try to accept that there are things beyond our control – like death (nobody lives forever) – and that the more you try to take control of things, say trying to prevent death so you will not suffer from grief, the more you will live miserably; you will undoubtedly feel that black cloud of negativity hovering over your head if you tend to control things that cannot be controlled.
So how do I live? I have not really found an answer to that yet; I’m still quite young, well not as young as I want to be, but I know the answer will come eventually. How will I find the answer? I don’t know. But there’s a beauty of not knowing; one just has to take life day by day.
The important thing, however, at least for me, is to try to overcome the negative emotions by trying to get out of the interminable loop of dread, anxiety, depression, grief, and so on. I suppose I have to look into the positive emotions not as a permanent fix to my negative emotions, but stepping stones to a better life – to progress.
Living may reach to a point where it is hell on earth, but we can find ways – we always can – to make it bearable. We have to remind ourselves to embrace the uncertainties of life, for it is through that mindset that we can learn to live peacefully – free from fear and anxiety.
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