Many leaders throughout history have often fallen victim to their lack of empathy towards people which, to a large extent, is brought about by their hubris.
This lack of empathy has paved the way, or served as impetus, to minor and major revolutions. At the back of my mind, an example of such lack of empathy is shown in how Marie Antoinette, Queen of France prior to the French Revolution, was so oblivious to the ordinary people of her times.
Another problem that is common among some historical figures that has caused their ineluctable downfall is rage or anger.
In the Philippine setting, a good example for this is the famous Gen. Antonio Luna who was known for his paroxysms of rage especially towards his undisciplined men.
In hindsight, this might have been one (though not the major) of the reasons why he was eventually assassinated by the men of the Kawit Company.
Some historians are linking President Emilio Aguinaldo as the one who ordered the assassination of General Luna. Did he deserve to be assassinated? Perhaps not, but the men of the Kawit Company just had enough of Luna’s choleric attitude.
Another example of a public figure who has had her fair share of dealing with anger issues is VP Sara Duterte. Like her father, Sara has shown that anger and rage are deeply rooted in the Duterte family.
We all saw how she physically assaulted a Court Sheriff back in 2011 when she was mayor of Davao. She got away with it as the Sheriff did not sue her.
More than a decade after, Sara Duterte has now become the vice president of the Philippines, and just recently – due to the divide, or disunity (ironic as unity was the slogan between Marcos and Duterte) between the Marcos and Duterte camps – she had a meltdown in an online press conference, stating without compunction that if anything bad would happen to her, she had already contacted a hitman or an assassin who would do the same thing to President Marcos, his wife, and his cousin, Rep. Martin Romualdez. These three, apparently, are her main enemies at the moment.
Was it right for her to say this? No, it was not; although, it was definitely unbecoming for a Vice President. And yet, the blind Duterte loyalists see her anger as a form of justifiable defiance against the current Marcos administration.
And now they’re calling for People Power similar to the EDSA People Power of 1986? The same People Power that they criticized as subversive and being very dilawan. Oh, the irony!
Anyhow, there is this duality of man that even when some are known for their cantankerous and hot-tempered attitude, they still have a good side in them which is often overlooked due to their bad side.
So how does one try to resolve this? And can it be really resolved, or is it just – as some would say – already deeply-ingrained in one’s being that he cannot do anything to change his old, bad habits/ways?
Based on personal experience, I have known people – in all walks of life – who are like Marie Antoinette, General Luna, and VP Sara Duterte. Oft-times, the likes of Marie Antoinette are those who have not really seen or experienced the hardships of the ordinary people, those who were not born with a silver-spoon.
However, there are some select few who were born with a silver-spoon that, through their education and readings, have seen the reality from below, and have gained some form of genuine empathy towards them.
As for Luna and Duterte, who are usually filled with anger or rage, they are those who may have had a history of childhood trauma, or those who may have lived their childhood years as victims of abuse or being witness to such abuses done by their parents or relatives.
Aside from childhood trauma, and possible concomitant mental health conditions, anger also stems from insecurities, hurt, or pain.
It is axiomatical that hurt people hurt people. Whenever a person is hurt, they (consciously or unconsciously) say or do things to hurt people who have (intentionally or unintentionally) hurt or offended them.
Duterte apparently seemed hurt by what she perceived as political persecutions or attacks against her family and staff members by the Marcoses and Romualdez. Hence, she fought back out of anger, and said the most outrageous things – again, out of anger.
Fighting back, however, will do you no good since you’ll only regret the things that you have said or done. Once you have said it, you can’t take it back – and all you can do is apologize, if ever you have the capacity to apologize.
I know some people find it impossible to apologize – it is beyond them to apologize; so how do they remedy things? More often than not, they just move on as if nothing happened.
However, not all people (especially those at the receiving end of their rage) can handle such actions, as there are some who demand accountability for other’s misdeeds, most especially if the one who committed such misdeed holds a high position in the country.
Rizal had written in a letter to Marcelo Del Pilar stating that he had forgiven him for the issue that they had back in Spain, but he had hard time forgetting what had happened. He explained to Del Pilar that even after the former had apologized to him, he still could not forget what he had done to destroy the good friendship they once had.
This was one of the reasons why Rizal never returned to Spain and the Propaganda Movement. He decided to detach from the drama among the ilustrados, and bring the medicine nearer to the sick man, i.e., the Philippines.
At the end of the day, the most important thing we have to remember is to introspect, which means to examine one’s own thoughts or feelings. I read a saying that “strength lies not in the ability to dominate but in the courage to understand.”
It takes strength to understand oneself and accept one’s shortcomings, while on the contrary, it just seems so easy to dominate on other people – putting others down through harsh words and insults – especially when you’re hurt and angry.
Usually, the people who do this lack introspection; they do not see any problem with themselves, they only see other people as the problem. They do not seem to hold accountability for their actions – they’re always in denial.
No matter how you rationalize yourself or how you explain to them what you mean by your words or statement, they will never see it as it is, and tend to dominate over you to feel empowered, or simply to get back at you for the purported hurt that you have caused them.
How do you deal with people like these? One word: detach. Find other things to do, since the more you dwell in anger, the more nasty things you might say and do. Good if you are capable of admitting your mistakes, or taking some form of accountability but if not, then that’ll be a big problem for you and the people you have hurt.
To be fair with President Marcos Jr. – though I did not vote for the man, given the crooked history of his family and their failure to show, at least, some form of atonement for the crimes of Marcos Sr. during the Martial Law period – he undoubtedly did quite a good job in dealing with his VP’s meltdown. He reacted without a modicum of anger, and has been civil and calm all throughout this whole political kerfuffle. He seems unbothered and detached, to say the least.
Suffice it to say, a passage from the Daily Stoic (a book that provides different passages daily about Stoicism) dated Nov.27 provides a quote by Roman Emperor and Stoic thinker Marcus Aurelius: “How satisfying it is to dismiss and block out any upsetting or foreign impression, and immediately to have peace in all things.”
This statement somehow holds truth in dealing with angry individuals who only want to get a reaction from you, they want to hurt you. So what did the Stoics advice the individual (at the receiving end of anger/rage) to do? “Turn your mind away from the things that provoke it.”
Detachment is not a sign of weakness, but in fact, a sign of strength. You are, in reality, being the bigger person when you detach. You cannot control how other people act, but you can control how you react to them.
Without a doubt, introspection would often lead to humility. Looking inwards and realizing your mistakes is the first step in improving yourself.
I know this as I have done quite some time introspecting for this year, especially after the death of my best friend last year, and the anxiety/fear, depression, and bouts of anger that I felt thereafter.
I’m not a perfect person, and I have done some terrible things to my loved ones – I have hurt them in words and in deeds, but I’m now trying my best to refrain from repeating the same mistakes I did in the past through introspection.
Trust me when I say that introspection does not only help you improve yourself, it helps the people around you – those who genuinely care for you.
Sometimes, however – likely as a result of the walls you have made, perhaps due to fear, pride, and insecurity – those people cannot really help you if you don’t introspect and help yourself. Suffice it to say, it takes a lot of courage to admit one’s mistakes, and the first step in doing so is to reflect inwards. Trust me, introspection leads to humility, and as Confucius said, “Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.”
One can only hope that our politicians take the time to introspect, and not just have random meltdowns on live television.
One can also hope that the Filipino people, especially the Duterte loyalists and unabashed fanatics can see the real picture through introspection, and realize that they are merely fighting not for the Philippines, but they are in one way or another helping put another oligarch in power. Suffice it to say, they are just being used as pawns in these oligarchs’ game of chess.
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