OpinionsPathwaysMake way for the ‘sandwich gen’

Make way for the ‘sandwich gen’

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For many of us who do not belong to the senior care industry, the phrase “sandwich generation” might mean people who like to eat sandwich all the time or who eat sandwich instead of the daily full meal.

The sandwich generation actually refers to those in their late 30s, 40s or in their early 50s who have both their young children and ageing parents to care for. Meaning, these people think of rising tuition fee costs, of how to become effective parents, are thinking of how they can be efficient at their current jobs, get a promotion, earn higher incomes, at the same time, are providing physical care to their sick parents and have to juggle their resources so that they can efficiently find ways to meet the escalating medical needs of their ageing blood relations.

According to Wick Veloso, HSBC president and CEO, “This is brought about by the Filipinos’ close family ties where it is almost expected that once children start working, it comes natural to them to extend support to their parents somehow, even when they get married and have their own children; thus, reaching a point of having financial obligations for both the young and the old.”

So, as you read this article, you might want to ask yourself — do you belong to the sandwich generation? If you are, then you must be leading a very stressful life.

But nerve-wracking as it is, you cannot get away with it. After all, would you like to leave your teenage children? Or your 75-year-old dad/mom who only has you to depend on?

Culturally, you are bound both to your children and to your dependent parents. And even if you close your eyes to traditional expectations and say, “To hell with my being Asian/Filipino! I want to have a life! I can’t just spend my whole life taking care of others!”

But can you really say this without batting an eyelash? Without feeling guilty? Well then, if you can’t, then you might as well brace yourself, deal with it, understand your situation, and rise above all bounds and duties.

So how can you cope?

The first tip is quite basic — live a healthier lifestyle. This means —

Eating a healthier diet, avoiding high fat or sugary foods as these can make you feel lethargic. Instead, fight stress with antioxidant-rich foods (vegetables and fruits like dark, leafy greens and berries) to give your immune system a boost and high-fiber carbs (lentils, beans) to satisfy hunger;

More sleep. Lack of sleep results to indistinct thoughts and prickliness and leads you to chronic ailments such as heart disease and diabetes;

Exercise more. Experts recommend 150 minutes per week of moderate-intensity exercise (like brisk walking). I’ve read a research which said that getting 30 minutes of exercise daily at 60 to 70 percent of your maximum heart rate improves temperament and absorption.

Second tip is to save time while updating family. Being a caregiver usually entails other family members annoying you with kindly requests for updates, but actually adds even more stress to your hectic schedule. Example, your brother wants to know how your mom’s blood pressure is doing or your auntie keeps asking how her sister is (your mom) at the same time asking you if you can send pictures of your kids. Providing updates to everyone at once can help lower your stress levels.

Third is to share the load (this is something I am guilty of when I was still a member of the sandwich generation because I try to do everything on my own). In your case, you may handle most of the caretaking duties but that doesn’t mean you need to do everything yourself. Stop stressing and start delegating. If your kids are past the pre-K age, you can even get them to pitch in to help with household chores. Or you can ask your siblings to help out by dealing with your dad’s financial paperwork or taking your mom to the store. Then you can switch gears and have more time for coloring with your kids — or taking a much-needed nap.

The point here is that you need to recognize that you’re overtaxed but that you’re doing something about it. While most people think that taking care of yourself is an indulgence, always remember that you can’t take care of any of the people around you if you’re not healthy yourself. So, know your limits, bring compassion and care to yourself so that you can take care of the rest.

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Author’s email: [email protected]

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