By Tyrone T. Ramas-Uypitching
The day after April 12 when we arrived in Japan with my in-laws, we received a couple of messages from my sister-in-law Maresa (whom our family has designated to be in touch with our parents’ doctors, being a nurse herself) that Mama had been moved to ICU unit #8 of Negros Polymedic Hospital, and that she could go anytime. We decided to buy the first available flight back home to Dumaguete from Sapporo, and not anymore join my in-laws to Hakodate and Aomori.
Mama had been in and out of the hospital for the last nine years since 2016 when she first suffered a stroke while recovering from her second intestinal obstruction surgery at Holy Child Hospital.
They say a cat has nine lives. Mama truly had a strong will and determination to survive, as we even feared she would have gone ahead at least four times before.
One time, she was flown to Cebu, graciously accompanied by Dr. Kenneth Coo and a nurse for her third intestinal surgery at UC Medical Hospital, per the recommendation of Uncle Nick or our Sichek. We really thought we would lose her in 2016, after seeing the voluminous scary greenish discharges from her intestinal leak filling up the transparent glass container the hospital used to measure the output or discharge volume.
In fact, when she arrived at UC Med in a stretcher from the hospital ambulance that picked them up at Mactan Airport, she was so restless and making tugon to me and my wife Nancy — so we had to tell her not to think about that, and just focus on her recovery.
Mama stayed at UC Med for four months under the care of the hospital’s Medical Director, the late Dr. Lito Almendras who was also Sichek’s close friend, and Dr. Manuel Villamor.
Luckily, Mama survived that one, and came home feeling well.
About a year after, she was seriously ill again from her intestinal leaks so she was flown to Manila, accompanied by my elder brother Ngo An & Maresa, Mama’s youngest brother Uncle Alex & Auntie Bichu from Taiwan who happened to be visiting Mama in Dumaguete. Mama was admitted at St. Luke’s Hospital in BGC where she stayed for about two weeks under the care of cardiologist Dr. Erlyn Cabanag-Demerre. Luckily, Mama survived that one, too, and came home well.
When both Papa and Mama were infected with COVIDÂ at about the same time in May 2021, we decided to have them admitted in separate hospitals: Papa at Holy Child Hospital, and Mama at Dumaguete Ace Hospital. We were more concerned with Mama then as we knew she was physically more fragile.
Unfortunately, Papa passed away from COVID last June 3, 2021; while Mama again, luckily survived the infectious disease.
After Mama’s discharge from the hospital, and upon her arrival at the garage in her baybay home in Canday-ong, Mama did not break down (as we had expected) and showed a lot of inner strength — much to our surprise and relief — after An informed her that Papa had passed. (We had decided not to inform her earlier for fear the sad news would affect her recovery.)
Instead, Mama just asked us, “How did Papa die? Did he suffer?”
An informed her that Papa died in his sleep at the hospital.
And Mama just said she will be okay, as long as Papa did not agonize or suffer in pain.
Knowing Mama, she must have been better than all of us in holding back the tears, as we were taught by our parents early on since we were small to be strong, brave, and courageous, and to avoid crying in public, or showing any emotion of “weakness” like fear, anger, pain, or hurt.
In December of 2022, while Mama was admitted at the Negros Polymedic Hospital’s ICU section after getting infected again with COVID for the second time, Maresa suddenly called us at close to midnight of Dec. 31 after Mama’s gastroenterologist Dra. Joecel Torres advised to urge all immediate family members to be at Mama’s bedside “as soon as possible”. We really thought we would lose Mama that time as her vital signs were all dropping, and she was not responding to the various medicines anymore. In fact, we were already saying our “goodbyes”. Luckily, Mama once again survived, was discharged from the hospital later, and came home.
Everytime Mama got seriously ill, we prayed for her speedy recovery. And if the Lord wanted to take her away from us already, we prayed that Mama would not have to suffer or be in pain.
Our family’s consolation now is at least Mama did not have to suffer nor undergo a long and painful death. It was brief, and she passed away swiftly and peacefully.
She lived what many consider as a “long life at 89” (she would have been 90 on Dec. 17). She was able to enjoy times with her friends and family, including her grandchildren. She passed away around 10:30am on April 15, and was cremated after 5pm that same day.
Now that Mama is gone, we only have memories of her.
Mama was born in Chekang province of China on Dec. 17, 1935. She was the eldest among the six children of Prof. Yeong Yan Terng from Chin Hua, Chekang province, and Tan Siao Kheng from Xiamen, Fujian province of China.
The family stayed in Fujian province before moving to Taiwan — just before the fall of China’s Kuomintang government to Mao Tse Tung — so a Japanese doctor could heal her brother Tua-ko, or Uncle Benny, who was suffering from a rare illness. Ultimately, the doctor had to remove two ribs from his chest.
Mama spent most of her adolescent life in Taiwan, before marrying Papa. Mama related to us that she asked her parents to discontinue her enrollment in an exclusive girls school in Tamsui, run by British nuns, where one schoolmate was a grand daughter of then Taiwanese President Chiang Kai Sek. Even though Mama wanted to continue her studies in that school, the tuition fee was very expensive, about one fourth of Taiwan Angkong’s annual salary.
She related to us that there were no beauty contests in choosing the Miss Taiwan, as it was by appointment then. She was recommended to be appointed as the first Miss Taiwan, but our Taiwan Angkong would never allow it.
When Papa was an accountant-lawyer working in the family business, he would be linked to pretty girls in almost every city and town in the Province. Whenever he was in a place and seen with a local girl, people would report the next day to Angkong Nicanor about Papa’s “newest” girlfriend, and that made Angkong worried. So like other concerned parents then, Angkong asked his friends to introduce Papa to decent girls through the Chinese tradition kai-siao. That was when Papa got to know and corresponded with Mama through love letters, after the introduction made by Angkong’s mahjong friends Mr. Kim Lin and Chin An Tiu whose Chinese wife in Taiwan was also Taiwan Amah’s closest friend.
Finally, Papa went to Taiwan to meet and marry Mama, after staying there for more than six months, with the approval of Taiwan Amah.
Much earlier, a fortune told Amah that Mama would “only have a good life if she is married to someone from across the sea.”
Papa said there was only one condition set by Taiwan Amah and Angkong before giving their approval and blessing to his marriage with Mama: Papa should at the very least visit them in Taiwan with his family everytime they have a new child.
I guess children then were also more obedient to their parents. Nowadays, most younger generation Tsinoys (for Chinese Pinoy or Filipinos of Chinese descent) would likely disagree, and rebel against their parents if subjected to such arranged marriage by their parents.
Mama’s youngest sister Auntie Siao Mei told us that Mama agreed to marry Papa because “she loved to eat mangoes and listen to Papa’s singing.” (To this day, we don’t know whether that was really true or it was just a joke.)
Papa said that after marrying Mama in Taiwan, it took some time for them to come home to Dumaguete because he wanted Mama to come to the Philippines as a Filipino, not as Taiwanese.
As the dutiful wife, Mama gave up and renounced her Taiwanese citizenship to enter the Philippines as a Filipino — as Papa wanted. After that, Mama had to apply for a Taiwanese visa everytime she went home to Taiwan for a visit.
I cannot forget that as a kid, I was disciplined the most by Papa and Mama — being the most mischievous and considered the “rebel” among the three siblings. Some would even say that maybe it’s the “middle child syndrome” in me.
Unlike Mama, whose ruler was never painful, and who would stop spanking us the minute we started crying, being disciplined by Papa was completely different: we were never allowed to cry, and he would not stop spanking us until we stopped crying. So no matter how painful it was, we just had to hold back our tears to cut short the painful appointment with Mr. Belt.
Perhaps like many other parents, Papa’s favorite was our eldest Ngo An, while Mama’s favorite was our youngest Ngo Don.
Whenever I fought with An, I was always the one at fault because I should have respected my elder brother; and whenever I fought with Don, I was also always the one at fault because I should have taken care of my younger brother.
There was a time it created a lot of confusion and anger within me, Mama would reassure me occasionally. So in one of those early summer family trips, Taiwan Amah suggested that I be left in her care in Taiwan due to my “congenital lungs abnormality” but Papa would not hear of it.
In fairness to both our parents, I have also seen that same kind of common favoritism towards the eldest and the youngest in many parents and families so I have accepted that fact long before, and there is no more pain, anger, hatred, rancor, or insecurity left in me about that. Which is what I also always advise others when they feel that their parents or relatives are playing favorites. Acceptance is key to avoid any ill feelings.
I also remember growing up, Mama would always dress the three of us up with the same clothes everytime we attended a party or gathering; people would laughingly comment that we looked like a “combo” (band members) wearing our uniform. And she would ask Papa to comb our hair with thick and sticky pomade to look neat.
Everytime we traveled, Mama would always first pack our clothes including Papa’s; I don’t remember seeing Papa ever packing his own clothes.
Mama also always felt happy and proud everytime a recipient told her that her “yu peng or kiam peng” (sticky rice) was delicious, or her he-ho (fish floss) and ba-ho (pork floss) tasted even better than Hsin Tung Yang.
Aside from Taiwan Amah, she said she learned a lot of cooking from the matriarch of the Sy family, the late Mrs. Elena Sy (whom we called Pin Nong Ma). Mama told us to consider Pin Nong Ma like our third Amah because she treated our mother like her own eversince Mama arrived from Taiwan. Mama also learned to cook from Hai Kim Ma, sister-in-law of Pin Nong Ma, living in the circular house.
Mama became pretty close to the family of the late Gregorio Uymatiao Sr. (whom we called Goring Peh, also Papa’s business associate and fellow Trustee at Holy Cross High School; as well as the the Sy family of New Bian Yek.
Aside from Papa being a former classmate, close friend, and business associate of the late Julio Sy Sr. (whom we called Julio Peh), Mama became the ninang of Dean Sy, Aimee Sy, and Joy Kho. Mrs. Aning Sy (whom we call Aning Um) is one of Mama’s dearest friends. Her other closest friends in the Dumaguete Christian Church were Mrs. Paulina Uy and Mrs. Adela Peralta.
Mama taught at Holy Cross High School for more than 30 years; her closest colleague there was Siansi Aline Uy.
Many of you may not know it but Mama was a Protestant in Taiwan long before she met Papa. But after marrying Papa and coming over to settle down in Dumaguete, as the dutiful wife and daughter-in-law, she also practiced Buddhism since my grandparents here were all Buddhists. In fact, Angkong donated the lot where the Dumaguete Bell Church stands.
Before she had a stroke that caused Mama to have some mobility issues, we would always see her excited, and always looking forward to attend the activities of the Dumaguete Lioness Club, the Order of the Eastern Star, the Holy Child Hospital Women’s Auxiliary, and the Dumaguete Christian Church especially their Sunday church service, anniversary, and other gatherings like “chi beh hoy” or sisterhood meeting every Wednesday afternoon.
Before she learned to drive a vehicle by herself, Mama would ask me to drive her to Dumaguete Christian Church before 10am, and to pick her up around 11:15am after the church service.
Mama would always remind us to “do your best” in everything that we do to avoid any regret later. Unlike many parents nowadays who would go to the school to complain about their children “deserving” higher honors, Mama used to say she and Papa would never do that because knowledge, education, and most importantly, knowing how to become better persons are more important than academic honors any student could receive from school.
Mama would also remind us to always behave properly especially when in public because she said when a child misbehaves, society would always blame and condemn the parents for not disciplining the child properly.
She said when a child is not disciplined at home properly, the child would most likely misbehave in the society, and cause embarrassment later to the parents.
Mama was awarded one of the “Outstanding Chinese School Teachers in the Philippines” by the Metrobank Foundation in 1998. In 2010, she was also awarded as one of the five “Most Outstanding Mothers” by the Federation of Filipino Chinese Chamber of Commerce & Industry Inc.
Talking about food, just like our Taiwan Amah before her, if Mama was expecting 10 guests, she would prepare food for at least 20.
And like Taiwan Amah also, we also remember how Mama would teach us, and practiced Confucius teachings on Ethics, Morals and Selflessness in her daily life. Mama was not the type of person who would boast of her character that differentiates her from others.
Generous to a fault, she was always ready to help someone in need. Without any hesitation, she would give out the “last remaining one” to someone else rather than keeping it for herself. She would always give out the better ones to others, while keeping the lesser ones for herself.
Like Amah, Mama reminds me of the big crab and the small crab: when given a choice, most people would rather pick the big crab for themselves; only those with a higher sense of selflessness would pick the smaller crab so that the others could still have the bigger crab.
Mama always took care of others, and looked out for the needs of others. And even when she is gone, I do believe she will continue to keep watch over us in her own way.
Just like all human beings, I know Mama surely had her own shortcomings and imperfections. But I am pretty sure that with the positive influence she has had in the lives she has touched, Mama left a better world for us. It has truly been a great blessing not only of knowing her but having her in our lives. Goodbye for now Mama, see you again someday.
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Eulogy delivered at the last memorial service for Karen Terng-Ramas Uypitching on Easter Sunday, before the inurnment of her ashes beside the urn of Antonio Ramas Uypitching on April 20, 2025 at the family’s ancestral burial ground in Canday-ong. Mrs. Ramas Uypitching was admitted for infection at Negros Polymedic Hospital on April 3, and died of multiple organ failure from sepsis on April 15, 2025.
