The holiday break is over, and we (at least most of us) now go back to our daily routines, with work and other things that life brings us.
Admittedly, I am not excited with the prospect of checking a lot of student requirements as semestral break is coming soon for us at NORSU, but we must continue and move forward.
Looking back though, I’ve reflected on a few things during the holiday break, and one of it has something to do with self-improvement.
A number of us fail to realize that the only way to treat people better is when we try to improve ourself, and resolve first our own issues.
I learned this the hard way as I am dealing with many issues myself, but I never tried to resolve it; I was in denial for the most part of my life, and thought that I can get through my own demons without resolving it. But that did not work, and it only created a deep wound that continues to heal as I write this.
Our National Hero Jose Rizal had also believed that one can justifiably help, or be of good service to the fatherland if he first tries to improve himself.
But for Rizal, improving oneself means having an education as, according to him, it is through education that the fatherland can acquire its glory.
We just commemorated Rizal’s 128th death anniversary a few days ago. On that day, we recalled Rizal’s good deeds, lessons, and legacy to the Filipino people.
On a side note, however, and speaking with candor, that day is often abused by Filipino politicians for their own ulterior motives. They often speciously quote Rizal, and use his teachings to propagate nationalism or love of country, but most of them do not practice this themselves.
How can one be nationalistic, and blatantly corrupt taxpayers’ money at the same time? It’s a shame we still venerate Rizal without genuinely understanding him — as what historian Renato Constantino averred more than half a century ago.
As I work at improving myself, I try to master self-discipline.
Old habits die hard, and it can be tough sometimes to maintain a certain standard for consistency in the process of improving oneself.
For example, when one has anger issues – most likely brought about by generational trauma or a bad childhood upbringing — it may get really difficult to avoid triggers. It can be triggered when one is driving and he encounters motorists who don’t seem to know the rules of the road or simple road courtesy.
It can also be triggered by a simple misunderstanding between husband and wife, or parent and child; and it may even be triggered by an angry stranger who could confront you out of nowhere.
On New Year’s Day, some stranger aggressively confronted me for parking in front of his gate. Undoubtedly, I made a mistake, so I had to humble myself and apologize. But the guy was just too aggressive. I could have replied sarcastically (my go-to defense mechanism) had I not kept my composure, but I just kept my cool, and continuously apologized to him until he started to calm down.
I have learned that this is one way to deal with angry people: not to fight anger with anger, but try as much as possible to quickly apologize when one is in the wrong.
Marcus Aurelius, who most probably had his own bouts with anger, wrote a reminder to himself: “Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on – it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore, manlier…. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”
Even if it may seem weak at the outset, remaining calm and civil, for me, is the best response to anger. Do not fight fire with fire.
Another thing I want to improve on this year is learning how to effectively deal with anxiety.
Frankly speaking, I don’t think I can help others if I cannot even help myself, and fix my anguished mind. I’ve realized the best way to do this is to combine mental work with physical activities.
What I mean by mental work is reading self-help books written by the Stoics like Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus. I did a lot of that in 2024, and I intend to consistently read them again this new year.
As for physical activities, I hardly did a lot of exercise last year so I intend to do that often this year, to help lessen the anxious thoughts, and help my become physically fit. I will do it at my own pace.
This goes for others out there, too; do not pressured by other individuals; just do it at your own pace.
Lastly, I should try to care less about what other people think of me, and just focus on improving myself.
Seeking validation from others will only give one temporary happiness, but it’s just going to be a deleterious loop. The more we feel validated by other people, the more we seek validation, and when we don’t get it, we tend to implode.
This will only worsen our self-esteem, and make us even more of a narcissist. I know many people who always seek for validation from others, and it is difficult for them to stop it. It reaches a point that they start snooping on other people’s lives, which is quite sad, to be honest.
As Aurelius pointed out: “Don’t waste what remains of your life thinking about other people, unless you do so with reference to the welfare of the state – I mean, wondering what so-and-so is doing and why, or what he’s saying, what he’s thinking, what his designs are, and so on, which distracts you from paying attention to your own command center.”
These are the things I plan to do this new year, and I hope you guys also do your own things to improve yourself. I wish you all a Happy New Year! More power!
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