“Why did he or she do this?”
“They had so much to live for…”
“We never even knew…”
These statements, and similar other ones, were the common lines we have seen on our friends’ social media feeds this week. The death of prominent TV personality and chef Anthony Bourdain, and fashion designer Kate Spade a week prior brought forth an outpouring of emotional posts and musings. These were a repeat of another suicide by actor Robin Williams. All of them were bright stars, at the pinnacle of their careers, who chose to end their lives by their own hand.
Hanging was the reported method used by all three of these personalities, a lethal method chosen by those who complete suicide. It is still not known why this method is chosen in particular, but studies support that popular media has a role to play, especially the vivid and highly dramatized descriptions of celebrity suicides using similar methods.
Many of our fellow Filipinos who follow these celebrities have been posting their concerns and talking about suicide and being there for one another, and efforts to talk about the theories as to why this happened is the common content of journalists. The effort to increase awareness is good, at this time, because suicide is not something many people are comfortable about.
In an attempt to bring to light answers to burning questions about suicide that we are afraid to ask, I’d like to share these commonly asked questions. Knowing about suicide helps us push the conversation and empower us to prevent it.
Q: What is suicide and why do people do it?
Suicide comes for the Latin words sui and caedere, which literally means, “to kill oneself”. This means to take one’s life with one’s own hand. While the specific cause of it is unknown, there are factors that put an individual at risk for it, with the right conditions.
1. Major psychiatric illness, particular, mood disorders (e.g., depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia), which are undiagnosed, or untreated.
2. substance abuse (primarily alcohol abuse, may include use of illicit drugs)
3. family history of suicide ( this is also strongly-related to the hereditary nature of mood disorders)
4. long term difficulties with relationships with friends and family (leading to a loss of significant emotional support)
5. losing hope or the will to live
6. significant losses in a person’s life, such as the death of a loved one, loss of an important relationship, loss of employment or self-esteem (significant breakups of love relationships)
7. unbearable emotional or physical pain (those with terminal illness have a higher chance of wanting to end their lives.)
8. Living in communities where there have been recent outbreaks of suicide in young people.
Many people who try to take their own lives usually are trying to get away from a situation or end a situation which they see to be impossible. Many who attempt suicide in many cases are actually seeking a relief from being feeling ashamed, and feel infinitely guilty for seeming to be a burden to others. They feel like a victim many times, and are burdened with feelings of rejection, loss or loneliness.
Q: What are the warning signs? What should alert us of a suicidal ideation, or an impending suicide?
A: There numerous warning signs, and many are related to symptoms of major depression. If the following symptoms are noticed in friends or family members for a prolonged period, i.e. two weeks or more, we should be conscientious enough to approach our loved ones and friends to talk about it.
-Having trouble concentrating, or thinking clearly
-Giving away of ones belongings and assigning tasks to others
-Talking about “going away” or needing to set affairs in order
-Suddenly changing behavior, i.e. becoming excessively calm after a period of anxiety
-Noticeably pulling away from friends, wanting to be alone
-Losing interest in activities they used to really find enjoyable before
-Suddenly having problems getting along at work or at school
-Engaging in self destructive behaviors, such as drinking excessively, using illegal drugs, CUTTING
-Talking about feeling HOPELESS or excessively guilty
-Sudden change in eating and sleeping habits, i.e. No longer eating, staying awake at night
-Arranging ways or preparing materials to take their own life (such as buying a weapon or stocking up on pills)
Q: What prevents suicidal individuals from seeking help?
A: Oftentimes, the suicidal individual may have already been suffering for a long time, and will most likely have reached the low point of hopelessness where he or she believes that nothing else will help and do not want to tell anyone of their problems anymore. They also believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness on their part, and do not want their families or friends to know. They do not know where to go for help, because suicide is not something openly talked about. It gets to the point where they are concerned that approaching a mental healthcare professional would label them as “crazy” or “psychotic”.
Q: What can we do if someone we know is suicidal, or even hints at being suicidal?
A: Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts can be extremely difficult, because we are often afraid that talking about the suicide will PUSH a person to complete it. However, it is not the case, because asking about it in a sensitive manner actually shows them that you care. Starting a conversation actually would help provide an opportunity for them to talk about their loneliness, or release their pent-up negative emotions, which may actually prevent a loved one from suicide. They could get help and recover, and you will have saved a life.
Q: How do we talk to someone who is suicidal? HOW CAN WE HELP?
A: We definitely have to listen, and can attempt to be understanding. We can use openers such as,
“I have been feeling concerned about you lately.”
“ Recently, I have noticed differences in you lately, and am wondering how you are doing…”
“I just wanted to check in you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately…”
We can also ask, the following questions to encourage them to speak further,
“ When did you begin to feel like this?
Very often, a person who feels like he or she has a safe space to talk about what is troubling him or her will respond well to the above questions. It would do well NOT to start with comments or personal biases such as talking about how suicide is a religious infraction, or talk about why the individual would think that when there are other people who are suffering more than him or are in their deathbeds. That would only discourage the person from getting help, medical or psychiatric.
A person’s reasons for considering suicide are very personal and the time he or she is undergoing them, he or she is acutely in despair and hopelessness. Remember, it is an unspeakable burden that he or she will have a difficulty in sharing, and with the right mindset, you, dear reader, might be the only one who is first in line to save his life.
If you feel like you may need help for yourself and/or a friend, you may contact HOPELINE at (02)804-4673; 0917-558-4673; and 2919 for Globe and TM subscribers.
The Department of Health, together with the World Health Organization, and Natasha Goulbourn Foundation, launched Hopeline, a 24/7 suicide prevention hotline, in observance of the National Suicide Prevention Awareness Day on Tuesday. (Articles cited Helpguide.org, MedlinePlus.gov)
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Stephanie E.D. Miaco is a practicing psychiatrist from Dumaguete who advocates for Mental Health and teaches Psychiatry at the Silliman University Medical School. She is a member of #healthxph on twitter.com and is an avid street photographer. Twitter: @thestreetgazer email: [email protected]
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