I woke up rather shaken from a nightmare – a scenario where my hands felt my skin was soft and sagging so I stood up, looked in the mirror, and much to my horror, I had jowls, crow’s feet, and wrinkles! It was a sight that shook me to my core – enough that I woke up with a start, heart racing and throat dry.
Immediately, I grabbed the closest thing that can serve as a mirror for me – my cellular phone. While opening the camera, I felt my hand shaking as I looked at myself. After doing so, I felt a sense of relief seeing my face, and confirming my fears were simply from the perils of my dream.
Once I calmed down, my rationality returned; and I laid in bed wondering what spurred me to react with such exaggeration from something that was bound to happen to me years down the line. It then hit me – I’m not alone in this.
Disgustingly, I became the person I abhorred: someone who was so self-conscious with her looks to the point of labeling something as normal as aging as a nightmare enough to elicit such a reaction.
This is a difficult confession (and realization) from someone who strongly advocates loving yourself. Don’t get me wrong. I do love myself; I still do. But at the back of my mind, the insecurities and imperfections are gnawing at my self-esteem and confidence. It is a struggle I choose not to face nor mention until that very nightmare forced me to face what I have been purposely avoiding – aging.
Perhaps it isn’t just me – but society, in general – that forces us to be more conscious of our looks. Why is society so highly critical of how people’s appearances would change as they age – especially with women? As much as we want to avoid this reality, as it would force us to admit that we still have not moved on from the shallow judgmental comments and internal need for validation – despite the multiple posts of women empowerment, and loving our skin and our bodies.
It starts so subtly. Where men are glorified for having dad bods – even sexualizing this appearance – and women are shamed once they start to gain weight. Comments such as “you look like a mom,” become backhanded. Women who are on the chunkier side are now labeled as “mama” despite not having children. Women with children who look fit receive comments like, “wow! You don’t look like a mom!” How are mothers supposed to look like then? For all I know, there is no exact definition of how a mother would like – maybe simply being someone who cares, nurses their child, and carries a baby in their arms? Not with how low their belly hangs, or how obvious their double chin is, or how unkempt their hair looks. Shouldn’t motherhood be celebrated?
People would argue that we DO celebrate mothers and that they are given better rights and respect nowadays. Sure, but how come people are still afraid to “look like a mom” as if motherhood becomes a curse. Motherhood becomes a sacrifice – of a woman who once looked so young, so slim, so fashionable. Have we forgotten how much one’s anatomy changes once they have kids? Carrying a baby in one’s womb for nine months and nursing them after would take a toll on the body – for obvious reasons. People would say that they “let themselves go,” and even though it is their body and their choice to have children, society and social media do nothing to ease their insecurities.
On the context of “letting oneself go,” allow me to talk about PCOS. I know more than my fingers can count of the multitude of women with PCOS. Women who never imagined that they would have PCOS. Women, whose changes in their appearance become so sudden they start developing body dysmorphia. Women who are forced to change their lifestyles and fashion sense to fit their ever-changing and ever fluctuating bodies. Women who are forced to find solutions to hold on to how they used to appear before. Women whose photos years back tend to distract them of the memories and events of that said photo and instead, focus on how they look and how small they look.
Social media is a cesspool of harsh comments and false appearances. I chanced upon a post comparing two photos of Pamela Anderson placed side by side each other: one of her being part of Baywatch, and the other of her appearance now. Though I cannot exactly remember, and I choose not to, the statement revolved around criticizing her (What happened to her?) and warning women that we have a “biological clock” that’s ticking before we lose our beauty. I’m sorry, what?! Mind you, Pamela Anderson is beautiful and looked striking in her recent photo. Sure, there are signs of aging, but why shouldn’t she? The photos side by side each other show her decades apart. Though that was a meme, it made me realize that society and social media will not take too kindly to women aging. I would like to emphasize another meme of Adam Sandler whose laidback outfits have been focused; and an equal comparison of him (just like Pamela Anderson) also made its way around the internet. The man was being praised for dressing so casually!
If you look around you, the ads about beauty have more women models than men – channeling towards a better and more youthful skin. The demand for beauty bars and clinics have risen. Plastic surgery is now common and not considered taboo. I have nothing against it, of course – me, having a long list of beauty products and a regular schedule at the salon. What I have against is how society makes aging become an object of fear instead of celebration.
Yes, we have all the right to enhance how we look – but we are doing it FOR OURSELVES. For those who won’t, or can’t, they are still equally as beautiful. So, this Women’s month, I want us to take back what belongs to us – to own our “flaws” and “imperfections.” We can hide them, alter them, or wear them like armor but in the end, this us! With aging comes change; but with aging, comes also wisdom, growth, and self-love. Surprise, surprise! Women age… and we are more than allowed to.
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Author’s email: tashamaxineflores@gmail.com
