A prominent child psychologist named Urie Bronfenbrenner researched the amount of time fathers spend with their children. His test was run with a sample of fathers of one-year-olds. He first asked the fathers to estimate how much time they spent each day with their children, and the average answer was 30 to 45 minutes. But when he actually ran the test, he found that those fathers spent an average of 15 Minutes a day with their one-year-olds.
If a father spends a mere 15 Minutes daily with a child during the first year of the child’s life, how much time can they expect to spend together by the time the child is a teenager with other friends and interest. Fathers give many reasons why they spend so little time with their children, but no amount of success outside the home will compensate for failure within the home.
Time is the biggest pressure fathers face in raising their teens. We all have the same number of hours in a day. Yet some men seem to make everything fit into their hours, while others always have more to do than time to do it in.
In the traditional home setting, a father is often working away from the home at least forty hours a week. When a man comes home after working all day, he is usually tired and hungry. His evening is divided by eating, talking with his wife, church and community activities, and trying to relax. Often it is hard to integrate the needs of children into the few unscheduled hours remaining. I think it takes a concerted effort to “make” time for teens. A father must make his children a priority, no matter how important his occupation is.
Often fathers tell me they feel out of touch with their teens and they don’t know what the real issues are. But I wonder how much time those men spend talking with their teens, trying to discover the issues.
I think it’s a great idea to get alone with your teen for a weekend when he’s about thirteen or fourteen, by just talking about things he can expect in the coming years. Through this, you pave the pathway to less pressure by opening the channels of communication early.
Too many fathers look back and regret not spending more time with their teens. The teen years only last seven years with each child; compared to your total life span, that’s not much time. I’ve yet to hear a parent complain about spending too much time with his teen!
In other words, Quality time is likely to happen when you have enough Quantity of time to spare. So find some ways to spend and to extend your time together with your children. Take advantage of the Holidays by traveling together. Or on regular days you can take them along when you have errands to do. Find ways where you can play and have fun.
Sometimes it’s difficult to reverse the trends especially when you have established a personal routine schedule already. But you may begin now in smaller doses. So, if you have not been spending enough time with your children in the past weeks, I suggest that you start spending time with them now. I’m sure you’ll find it unexpectedly rewarding.
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