OpinionsFood for ThoughtThe even darker side of the moon

The even darker side of the moon

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I have decided to write a book that shines the light on the “darker side of the moon,” to reveal the normally whispered but devastating effects of sexual abuse and impress upon everyone that every single incident of abuse can influence a lifetime and destroy lives for generations to come.

I am writing again on this very sensitive topic that is very personal to me because of loved ones and friends who have been victimized or continue to suffer this fate since they had no choice or did not have access to the help and support they needed.

Research on this painful and sensitive subject is difficult. But I would appreciate anyone who could share factual accounts (whether personal or from a reliable source) that could help build the backbone of this book. Needless to say, the personal information of each story or person shall be kept in strict confidence.

I have already received a number of responses to this call.

A MORAL AND PERSONAL IMPETUS

Last March, we organized an international online event called END OSEC Summit (End Online Sexual Exploitation of Children) for the Philippine Children’s Network.

It was attended by 747 representatives from international and local agencies, NGOs, LGUs, lawyers and advocacy groups concerned with the alarming rise of cases of this type of exploitation which has escalated even more during the Covid pandemic.

Of equal gravity are the spikes in the cases in domestic abuse including partner abuse and abuse of children the world over.

According to a report of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), when women flee domestic abuse, they are often forced to leave their homes, with nowhere else to turn.

For years, advocates have known that domestic violence is a primary cause of homelessness for women and families. Studies confirm the connection between domestic violence and homelessness.

Domestic Violence and Homelessness Trapped Between Violence and Homelessness

Housing instability and a lack of safe and affordable housing options heighten the risks for women experiencing domestic violence.

Sadly, a lack of alternative housing often leads women to stay in or return to violent relationships.

In Minnesota in 2003, for instance, 46 percent of homeless women reported that they had previously stayed in abusive relationships because they had nowhere to go.

In 2003, in Fargo, North Dakota, 44 percent of homeless women reported that they stayed in an abusive relationship.

Abusers typically use violence as part of larger strategies to exercise power and control over their partners and isolate their partners from support networks. As a result, a woman who has experienced domestic violence will often have little or no access to money and very few friends or family members to rely on if she flees a violent relationship.

The scenario in the Philippines is no different. A talk with barangay workers who handle Violence Against Women and Children (VAWC) cases confirm the same circumstances. The victims often have nowhere to go so they return literally to the scene of the crime!

Poor women, who are more vulnerable to homelessness, are also at greater risk of domestic violence. Poverty limits women’s choices and makes it harder for them to escape violent relationships.

For instance: While women at all income levels experience domestic violence, poor women experience domestic violence at higher rates than women with higher household incomes.

Women living in poor neighborhoods are more likely to be the victims of domestic violence than women in more affluent neighborhoods.

BUT violence and abuse against women IS BY NO MEANS exclusive to the poor.
 

Many women from affluent homes who are highly educated have been subjected to abuse even as children, usually by relatives or someone known to the family!

Last week, a friend of mine who is highly educated, very accomplished and outspoken and a single Mom with two daughters revealed to me that she had been a victim of repeated abuse by an uncle which started when she was 6 years old. She was kept silent by the uncle’s threat that he would hurt her whole family if she said anything.

Later, during an annulment hearing with her husband, the latter used this information to discredit her and sadly, her Mom who just learned about the abuse during the court proceedings simply said, “That’s all in the past! Kalimutan mo na yan!”

LIFE LONG EFFECTS OF ABUSE

Victims of sexual abuse normally experience one or more of the following responses:

– Fear responses to reminders of the assault;

– Feeling like the person is losing control of her life or mind;

– Re-experiencing assault over and over again through flashbacks;

– Problems concentrating and staying focused on the task at hand;

– Guilty feelings;

– Developing a negative self-image; feeling “dirty” inside or out;

– Depression;

– Disruptions in close relationships;

– Loss of interest in sex and;

– Fear and anxiety cause physical, mental, and behavioral reactions, all of which may lead the assault survivor to feel as though he or she has no control over her life (some information obtained from the Medical University of South Carolina).

PREVENTION STRATEGIES

In the past two years, I have sadly discovered and mourned cases of abuse that have occurred closer to home either to loved ones or close friends. Listening to their accounts was akin to being overwhelmed by dangerous torrential emotional floods or to the painful peeling away of layers of their broken hearts.

My reaction was a massive ball of shock, pain, loss, intense rage, regret, and repeated self-recriminations “Why did it happen? How Could IT Have Been Prevented! What Could I have done?”

While one could not undo the trauma of the abuse except to provide, prayers, support and understanding, there are ways to prevent such abhorrent crimes from happening.

Child Abuse Prevention Strategies
(From The Centers for Diseases and Control /CDC)

Child abuse and neglect are serious problems that can have lasting harmful effects on victims. CDC’s goal is to stop child abuse and neglect from happening in the first place.

Child abuse and neglect are complex problems rooted in unhealthy relationships and environments. Preventing child abuse and neglect requires addressing risk and protective factors at the individual, relational, community, and societal levels.

CDC developed a resource, Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect: A Technical Package for Policy, Norm, and Programmatic Activities pdf icon[3.69 MB, 52 Pages, 508] to help states and communities use the best available evidence to prevent and reduce child abuse and neglect. (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/CAN-Prevention-Technical-Package.pdf)

This resource is available in English and Spanish pdf icon[21 MB, 52 Pages, 508] and can impact individual behaviors and the relationship, family, school, community, and societal factors that influence risk and protective factors for violence.

Effective prevention strategies focus on modifying policies, practices, and societal norms to create safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments.

Sexual Violence Prevention Strategies
(From The Centers for Diseases and Control /CDC)

Sexual violence (SV) is a serious problem that can have lasting, harmful effects on victims and their family, friends, and communities. CDC’s goal is to stop SV from happening in the first place. The solutions are just as complex as the problem.

In order to prevent SV, we must understand and address risk and protective factors at the individual, relational, community, and societal levels.

CDC developed a resource, STOP SV: A Technical Package to Prevent Sexual Violence pdf icon[2.85MB, 48Pages,508] to help communities take advantage of the best available evidence to prevent sexual violence.

This resource is available in English and Spanish pdf icon[17MB, 48 Pages, 508] and can impact individual behaviors and the relationship, family, school, community, and societal factors that influence the risk and protective factors for violence. (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/SV-Prevention-Technical-Package.pdf)

Many of the strategies focus on reducing the likelihood that a person will engage in sexual violence. The strategies and their corresponding approaches are listed in the table below.

The Me Too movement has emboldened many victims to come forward and speak about their experiences specially when they see how the so called “mighty and hitherto untouchable powerful perpetuators like government officials, the rich and famous, media personalities and even royalty are now being made to account for their heinous behavior.

A CALL FOR VIGILANCE, EMPATHY AND ACTION

Yes, there are existing laws on Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children and laws against rape and sexual abuse.

BUT these laws are only useful when enforced. And enforcement can only come with prosecution and conviction.

We can stop the abuse, one person and one child at time by being vigilant, empathetic and help prevent future abuse by quick and responsive intervention.

___________________________________________

Author’s email: [email protected]


 

 

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