SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA– Over a decade ago, I was asked to speak about love in a female dormitory in my old university.
I have no idea why they asked me to do it but they did. It wasn’t like I had a mark on my forehead that said ‘love expert’. It was a bizarre request that still baffles me even today.
During those days, I didn’t really believe in true love. I didn’t believe in happily- ever-after.
They should have known this, really. But I went to do the speech anyway — wearing all black. Black clothes, black shoes, black nail polish.
I explained to the girls, probably to the detriment of the dormitory staff, that the origin of Valentine’s Day wasn’t all hearts and roses. There was death and blood and horrible things that made St. Valentines a martyr.
I can’t remember the rest of my speech but needless to say, it wasn’t all about romance.
There is a delusion each time this year that drive people to buy like mad just to show their “love” for someone.
In America alone, people spend $20 billion on Valentine’s Day each year — buying flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and cards. That’s an average of $130 per person per year. That’s a lot of “love”.
The season has become a consumerism giant, and we didn’t even notice it slowly growing out of control each year. It is so very ridiculous.
My husband and I are both ‘bleh’ about Valentine’s Day (for lack of a better word). We don’t splurge on presents. We don’t make giant romantic gestures. We don’t go out on romantic dinners.
Why? Because we do that the whole year round.
Why follow expectations for that one day of the year when you can do it anytime you want?
Love, for the grown ups anyway, is measured so much more than material things.
When you love someone, truly really love someone, you love them for everything they are, and everything they are not.
It is not the expensive grand gestures that are important (although, of course, people love them, too), but the everyday little things that you share with them.
The kiss before leaving for work. The hug when they come home. The offer to make tea or coffee. The flowers out of the blue, just because they wanted to. The drink you want them to get from the fridge because you couldn’t be bothered getting off the couch. The little present they bought you from the shop because they saw it on the window, and thought of you. The chick flick they watched because you asked them to. The chicken soup they heated up because you were sick.
In the long run, it’s more than the big things that make love last.
Save your money this Valentine’s Day, or do something small. Save up for the rest of the year. Better to make it last longer, than just one day.
______________________________
Author’s email: kmlevis@gmail.com
