SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA– There is a quiet majority of mothers in Australia that deal with their motherhood woes on their own. “What would they complain about?” you ask. They live in a first world country. They have cars. Education is free. Crimes aren’t rampant. What could they possible complain about?
Well, the fact is that different countries have different problems. For one, mothers here are isolated. Yes, we have neighbours but people barely know their neighbours. We’ve lived in four different suburbs in the last 14 years and during all that time, we’ve really only known two of our neighbours.
No one pops over from next door to help you out. No one comes around to visit so you can finally speak like an adult after doing nothing but baby talk. No one shares their lunch with you so you don’t have to cook yourself. No one offers to take the baby so you can shower.
When my sister had her daughter in Cebu, their neighbour helped with the baby. Now they’re like family.
That so very rarely happens here. Mothers have the option to join mother’s groups, of course. But most of the time, these groups do nothing but show off how much they have everything under control.
This isolation causes loneliness, and sometimes even mental illness.
According to statistics, almost one in five Australians had experienced symptoms of mental disorder. Anxiety disorders are the most common. Women are more likely than men to experience anxiety disorders with one in five recent mothers experiencing mild, moderate, or severe form of post-natal depression.
Filipinos have this one advantage that other races don’t — community. We make a community for ourselves so that we have the support of friends, if not family.
When I had my daughter, I was alone. I had no family. I had no community because we were living far from other Filipinos. I had friends but they lived far away, and they, too, had their own lives.
I was lucky I didn’t go through depression or mental disorder. But I did go through periods of anxiety. I decided to buy a ticket to the Philippines to see my family when my daughter was only eight months old. It was a welcome reprieve for me to be around people I love, helping me take care of my daughter. How I wished I could bring them all with me when I left to come back to Australia.
Today, I edit articles written by mother bloggers to publish to our site, Her Collective. Reading their stories tugs at my heart. Their experience with depression, abuse, mental disorder, eating disorder, bipolar disorder, anxiety and so on — I can’t imagine how they coped while taking care of kids and working at the same time.
I guess what I’m saying is that no matter where you are — first world or third world — there will always be issues to face. The important thing is that you have a community to help you.
______________________________
Author’s email: kmlevis@gmail.com
