NEW JERSEY, USA — It’s hard to believe that January 2022 is almost over. How did that even happen? I am feeling so many emotions as I write this piece. I am certainly grateful to be alive.
As a CoViD survivor, I am humbled by the very thought that over five million people have died from the coronavirus disease all over the world these past two years.
As I rejoice for my gift of life and breath, I am also aware of my own grief around disease and death during these awful times, especially the death of very close friends and immediate family.
It’s been dizzying and disorienting, to say the least.
Christmas and New Year of 2020 and 2021 are so vague in my memory. I cannot even remember what I did for my 50th birthday in July of 2020. I literally must take a long pause just to recall how we celebrated the recent graduation of my two children.
The past two years are blurry and murky in my brain. There is a mixture of moments of great joy, and times of awful sadness. There is a fusion of frustration and helplessness, and a deeper appreciation of God’s goodness, and the sacredness of life and breath.
King David, as he reflected on his own vulnerability and powerlessness in the face death and defeat, declared, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘God is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” Psalm 91: 1-2.
O, how we all need the rest that God gave King David! O, how we all need to find God’s shadow when we are in the brink of defeat and destruction! O, how we need to dwell in God’s presence so that while there is chaos and confusion all around, we can somehow still be safe and secure!
So today, I will choose to breathe. I will breathe slowly. I will breathe gratefully. I will breathe with hope. I will breathe in the face of all my fears.
I am still here. God is not done with me yet.
I will continue to show up where I am needed. I will be less critical of others. I will value relationships more. I will wake up earlier each day to spend more time with God. I will prepare more nutritious and healthy meals for my family. I will call my parents more. I will keep my workspace cleaner. I will read more. I will write more. I will walk more. I will meet deadlines. I will answer my e-mails more quickly. I will save more. I will try to be more accessible, generous, and present.
I will try harder to make 2022 count. I will take care of myself so that I can take care of others. I will forgive myself when I fail. I will rest. I will trust. I will thrive. I will keep moving.
And I will surely stay put with God.
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