24/43. A year ago, I did a Think Weekend.
In those two days, I finished reading three books. I sat alone most of the time — writing, thinking, organizing, praying.
It has been a year of clarity: Jobs I did not take because the timing was not right, starting our home project, saying no to so many offers that would have meant a lot of time away from family.
We all need moments of pause because these are opportunities to gain clarity in this noisy world.
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25/43. The last time I finished reading a non-work related book was last year when I packed my bags, filled my Kindle with books I wanted to read, and practically hid in a cottage.
I spent an afternoon and the evenings just reading, writing, and thinking. One of the resort staff commented to me later, “Ganina ra gyud ka nagbasa, Ma’am.”
So when people ask me for advice on whether they should have children, I try to be honest and say: Only when you’re ready to commit a LOT of time and love to raising a child.
Because when you are raising a child, you will barely have time to read. You will not have enough time to watch TV shows without getting exhausted. (While the children are young, you can only watch when they’re asleep). Some days, you won’t have enough time to just not think of anything.
Parenthood is not for everyone. And that’s okay.
Before Leiana, my husband and I planned on having two kids. But after the long and difficult pregnancy and recovery time, and the overall experience of being a mother (both the good and bad parts), I know for sure that I no longer have the mental and emotional space to have a second child.
And that’s okay.
May we normalize telling people that it is NOT okay to:
* Keep telling others to have children because lahi ra jud.
* Say pun-i kay usik inyong liwat (Hey, children are not pigs!)
* Say looy ang usa ra ka anak (I never felt the need to have pity on my well-adjusted solo-kid friends, nieces, nephews, etc.)
Motherhood is the best! For me. But know that it’s not for everyone. And that’s okay.
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26/43. On most scientific literature, I am considered a geriatric mother — someone who gave birth after 35 years old. Yikes.
However, I refuse to be stereotyped as a tigulang mom because I was raised by parents who traveled with us even when they were more than 40 years old.
Papa was 68 years old in the photo here, and he hiked the terraces of Batad with me. He was probably 65 when we went diving with the whalesharks of Donsol. And he was 71 years old when he and my sister biked around the entire Siquijor Island (more than 75 kilometers)! (As for me, I rode a motorbike and just slept in the hotel.)
Our parents were always present — physically, emotionally, spiritually — when we three siblings were growing up.
My sisters and I reminisce with fondness how we grew up not owning a car, and yet our parents would bring us to the beach a lot. We would all backride in our father’s Honda motorcycle, and we would look for a river where we could swim in.
I remember Papa would drag us all: ride a pedicab, jeep, or the Ceres bus — only so we can travel. He must have been more than 50 years old that time when we would regularly do nature trips around the Province.
These times, however, I already feel tired just thinking about trips. And I really have no excuse because we have a yaya now most of the time when we travel, and my husband is a wonderful trip partner for our tiny human. What else could be my excuse? Nothing!
I should always just remind myself that I don’t remember most of my toys from childhood. But I do remember the trips, the laughter on those trips, and the simple yet profound conversations our family would have during those trips.
Until now, when my sisters and I take too long to officially wake up during our travels, Papa would loudly say: Naay mga gapractice ug kamatay! Maypa mopauli mo ug matulog ra mo sige! Tala na, manglakaw na ta! [Often, Papa tells us this after he had already explored the place for more than an hour, and had his cup of coffee.]
My greatest motivation for my (inconsistent) stay-healthy efforts is the goal of becoming a present mother for our tiny human. It would be challenging but if Papa and Mama were able to do it, we should, too!
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27/43. Papa was recounting to us one day that he was eagerly cheering for the Filipino women’s football team. Maybe at some point the neighbors were startled because they suddenly heard: Kumbati, dai, kay kulang ta ug makaon sa ato! (Don’t ask me what was the connection.)
We grew up watching sports as a family. Those types of games where occasional taunting is common, that we have become so familiar with typical comments like: “Foul, bungi!” “Ug magpabuang-buang, sumbaga!” “Gakatulog ning referee!”
To this day, Papa doesn’t stop telling and retelling his story that he went on a solo trip to America simply to watch the US Open; and there he observed that the tennis spectators are also abiba!
One of Papa’s best stories is how they organized a particular barangay in Bais to be the home to the champion basketball team: the neighbors would contribute for the snacks of the basketball players. In the mornings, the team would go jogging, and our Papa would follow them on his bicycle. By the time the tournament begins, even Mama couldn’t help herself from keeping silent as she overhears other people’s bashing: Ah, salig na kay abogado ang coach! Mama would fight back: Walay labot ang propesyon sa akong bana kay basketball ni!
Reading, nature trips, art, and sports. Components of a great childhood.
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Author’s email: goldabenjamin@gmail.com
