In this time, people who have in one way or another experienced some form of difficulty in life – especially in understanding themselves, dealing with other people, or trying to outrun grief – have tried to seek for a safety net that could help them assuage their suffering. Most of them were drawn to religion.
In my case, I opted to read and understand more on philosophy and psychology. In retrospect, I used to be very religious back in college. Every Sunday, I would attend mass with family where I was a lector. I did not do this on my own accord but mainly because of the influence of my maternal grandfather. When my brother and cousins were kids, Lolo Dads would always compel us to pray the Rosary before sleeping. He told me the most important thing I should remember is to always have faith in the Lord. Without faith, he said, there is no purpose in life. After his untimely death, however, things somehow took a different turn for me. I saw no purpose in faith anymore, and that there could still be some purpose in life without faith.
This feeling was further exacerbated with the deaths of other loved ones the following years (I have written about this in my past columns). With all this series of unfortunate events, I turned to something else, I stopped attending Sunday masses, and looked inwards, as I tried to improve myself from the mental distress I was faced with.
As an academic, I tried to search life’s meaning through an understanding of the works of philosophers and psychologists. The philosophy that somehow caught my attention early on was that of stoicism. I read Seneca, Epictetus, etc., but it was Marcus Aurelius who somehow made a mark in my life.
Marcus Aurelius is known today not so much for his achievements as a Roman Emperor, but because of his book, The Meditations. This journal compilation has become so popular since it provides the general public with a perspective that even a Roman Emperor – who led one of the greatest empires in world history – acknowledged his imperfections. Although Marcus Aurelius did not intend it to be published, the entries in his journal served as reminders to improve himself, and to rid himself of the fear of death. His reflections in his journal are personal, and show how a powerful and influential man like him still had to face the vicissitudes of life, even while he was busy fighting the barbarians in northern and eastern Europe.
Marcus Aurelius served as emperor of Rome from 161 to 180 AD. At a young age, he had the predilection for reading, and was fond of philosophy and rhetoric. He had his future set as he became the favorite of two emperors who preceded him, Hadrian and Antoninus. One can only imagine the pressure he may have felt to fill the shoes of the emperors before him.
His military campaigns against the barbarians need not detain us here, but allow me to discuss his Meditations. Without a doubt – according to British classical scholar, Robin Waterfield – Marcus Aurelius was influenced by “the Stoic practice of critical self-examination and exhortation to do better”. “The tone of Meditations,” Waterfield asseverated, “is that of an aspirant, someone who urgently wants to do better and to live as a philosopher, but who is constantly thwarted by events and by his own weakness.”
This is what makes the Meditations relatable to ordinary people today, as it shows that even an emperor could never be perfect and that Marcus Aurelius constantly needed to remind himself to do better. Everyone will always have to face some form of challenge in life, or some shortcomings, and we have to be ready, or we have to know how to deal with it.
Throughout history, people have undoubtedly overcome such challenges – like how the Japanese overcame the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, or how the Jews overcame the Holocaust, or how the Filipinos overcame many adversities throughout the 20th century, including the Philippine-American War, a cholera epidemic, World War II, and Martial Law under Marcos Sr. This does not even include the personal problems we face in life – dealing with difficult family members, or having physical or mental issues while trying to survive and work.
In the main, Marcus Aurelius highlighted in his works the ineluctability of death, and how we can achieve meaning and purpose in life. The end goal of the journal entries was really to make him a better person as a whole.
The Stoic principle of making oneself a man of virtue – or improving oneself which, as a result, would lead to being good to others – remains relevant in this day and age.
Our National Hero Dr. Jose Rizal had pointed out (although I have not found conclusive evidence if Rizal was influenced by Stoicism) that for a Filipino to be able to help the motherland, he must also improve himself, and that the best way to do this was through education. Rizal’s idea is germane to the Stoic belief of self-improvement, and being good to others especially in public service. This is similar to what attracted Marcus Aurelius to Stoicism which “allowed him to reconcile his twin aims of being a good man, and a good emperor,” according to Waterfield.
Personally, what drew me to Stoicism is more on its appeal to self-improvement through self-discipline, not to mention its utmost concern with ethics – on how to achieve meaning and happiness in life.
What drew me to Marcus Aurelius, on the other hand, is his consistency to remind himself of his shortcomings, and to find a way out of it — his quest for virtue. Admittedly, I have been emulating Marcus Aurelius by writing a journal to remind myself of my shortcomings to help myself become a better person, husband, son, brother, friend.
For the Stoics, “virtue was knowledge”; rational knowledge would always be the end-goal or guiding light to achieve meaning in life. Moreover, virtue can be categorized into four: prudential wisdom, courage, moderation, and justice. According to Waterfield: “Wisdom is the knowledge of good and bad; courage is knowledge of what to fear and what not to fear; moderation is knowledge of what to pursue and what to avoid; justice is knowledge of what to give and what not to give others.”
Suffice it to say that from these explanations, one can try to find the means to help improve one’s self. For example, apropos of courage, I’ve always had this fear of death; but I’m reminded of what Marcus Aurelius said: “Let each thing you would do, say or intend be like that of a dying person.”
In other words, death is inevitable, and we should rid ourselves of that dread of the unknown. The reason why some people fear the idea of death is because they do not want to suffer, or they do not know what comes after death, or perhaps they do not want to leave their loved ones behind. The inevitability of death – however, for the Stoics – can be used as an impetus to make good of our lives while we’re still alive. To enjoy life to its fullest! To do good, not just for yourself, but for the public!
In terms of wisdom, one might wonder why there are good and bad people in this world? For the Stoics, bad people exist not by nature, but by nurture – they are created through their upbringing. However, at the end of the day, our actions and reactions to other people’s actions all boil down to us. We are the ones who decide our fate. “The source of virtue is internal,” Marcus Aurelius points out.
Having been diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Illness Anxiety Disorder or hypochondriasis, I have always had a difficult time dealing with my intrusive thoughts. As a result, I’ve asked for reassurances from various doctors for so many imaginary symptoms that I felt was something terminal. I always thought I was going to die, which caused me so much dread and anxiety.
All these were the result of my fear of death, and my desire to ascertain everything that happens in my life. It all has to be calculated; I always found the need to have a sense of control. Everything I felt was internal, but after reading Marcus Aurelius’ more than 60 personal entries/reminders about death, I realized that it is nothing but a natural process.
In Notebook 2.11 of Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote: “Death and life, glory and obscurity, pain and pleasure, wealth and poverty – all these things come to good and bad people alike, since they are morally neutral in themselves, and this proves that they’re neither good nor bad.” For the Stoics, death is not a bad thing; it is no more, no less an “indifferent” or something that is morally-neutral. Furthermore, obscurity, pain, and poverty are also not bad things per se but are “indifferents”.
I used to view death as something terrifying because of the thought itself. As Epictetus would say: “Death is not frightening; what is frightening is the idea that death is frightening.” Thus, I learned from Marcus Aurelius to embrace death, and to see it as a natural process, that one is born to die. Although I have not yet fully embraced it, I can attest that his reminders to himself have somehow helped me get through rough times of dealing with my mental health issues.
In Notebook 12:1, Marcus Aurelius averred: “Whenever it may be that you find yourself close to departure, if you relinquish everything else and honor only your command center, the god within you, and if what you fear isn’t that you’re going to stop living, but that you never started living in accord with nature, you’ll be a man worthy of the universe that gave you birth and you’ll no longer be a stranger in your own country, surprised by what happens day by day as though it were unexpected, and dependent on one person after another.”
That entry was his way of preparing himself for death. He reminded himself he should not fear death, and that he should fear not living his life due to the lingering fear of death. That entry indubitably hit me deep to my bones, as it made me reflect that what I feared before – which triggers all these anxiety attacks – was unavoidable. I was worrying – even crying — over something that was inevitable or beyond my control.
Fortunately, aside from therapy and some medications, all I needed was this wake-up call by a Roman Emperor who was also reminding himself that death was not bad at all. Marcus Aurelius may have also feared death, but he used Stoicism as his cushion to mitigate that fear, and to remind himself that death is and will always be a natural process, i.e. we are born to die.
More on how Markus Aurelius dealt with anger, and his views on how to deal with people —
in my next column.
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