LOUIS, MISSOURI–I veered off onto a narrow dirt road, craving a quick buko juice fix before retreating to my modest apartment in Cebu City. That day had been exhausting, mostly spent navigating the challenges of a demanding client. I felt entitled to that small indulgence, a reward for mustering the energy to face the day, enduring a three-hour drive from the City, and enduring the company of someone I’d rather never encounter again.
Whenever I found myself in that state, stranded on the northern outskirts of Cebu, I would instinctively seek solace from a humble buko juice stand in Liloan. It was my sanctuary, where I can recharge, replenish, and momentarily convince myself that life holds more excitement than the daily grind suggests.
Yet, even the allure of buko juice and the allure of coastal drives eventually lost their luster. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to mask it, dissatisfaction seeps through.
It was my third year in my first post-university job, and I had despised every moment of it from the start. I clung to the hope that things would improve—after a week, a month, a year. Maybe I’d grow accustomed to the work, form genuine connections with colleagues and clients, or unearth some profound purpose in our company’s mission.
As the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a warm golden hue over the coastal landscape, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of disillusionment. The beauty of the scenery, though breathtaking, only served as a stark contrast to the emptiness I felt inside.
It wasn’t just about the job anymore; it was a deeper discontent with the trajectory of my life. Each passing day felt like a step further away from the person I had once envisioned becoming, and the weight of that realization pressed heavily on my shoulders.
I longed for something more meaningful, something that would ignite a spark of passion within me, and make each day feel purposeful.
Yet, as I sat there sipping my buko juice, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being stuck in a cycle of monotony. The thought of continuing down this path for another year, let alone another lifetime, filled me with a sense of despair.
Despite my efforts to convince myself otherwise, the gnawing sense of dissatisfaction refused to be silenced, leaving me grappling with the daunting question of what comes next.
Frustration mounting, I rummaged through the cluttered compartment of my car, my fingers searching for a tissue but instead finding something unexpected: a small, weathered book of Mary Oliver’s poems. It felt like stumbling upon a forgotten treasure, a relic from a time when words had the power to stir my soul.
Flipping through the pages, I came across The Summer Day, its corners worn from countless readings. My eyes were drawn to a particular passage, one I had highlighted, and underlined years ago during my college days: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
In that moment, those words resonated with a clarity I hadn’t felt in ages. They were a poignant reminder of the dreams I once held dear, the aspirations that had fueled my youthful enthusiasm. Yet, somewhere along the way, those dreams had been overshadowed by the demands of adulthood, buried beneath layers of obligation and routine.
As I traced the lines of the poem, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had strayed too far from the path I had envisioned for myself. Was this the life I had planned to live, or had I settled for something less?
Back in college, I was a swirling mix of uncertainty and potential. Like many of my peers, I grappled with the looming question of what lay beyond graduation.
While I lacked a clear career path, I held onto a fervent desire to find a meaningful career, and make a positive impact on the world. I yearned for a profession that would allow me to uplift people’s lives, and as idealistic as it may sound, to make the world a better place to live in.
I didn’t just want to be another cog in a corporate machine. I wanted to forge my own path, make a meaningful impact, and pursue my passions with authenticity and purpose.
As soon as I arrived home, the weight of discontent pressing heavily on my shoulders, I wasted no time. I sat at my cluttered desk, and drafted my resignation letter with a determined fervor.
Despite the uncertainty of what lay ahead, one thing was abundantly clear: I could no longer allow myself to be tethered to a job that left me hollow and miserable. It was a bold leap into the unknown, driven by a steadfast refusal to settle for a life devoid of purpose and passion.
As I attached the letter to the email, and prepared to send it to my boss, a sense of liberation washed over me, mingled with anticipation for the journey of self-discovery that lay ahead.
The suggestion to pursue a career in diplomacy wasn’t new to me; it had been floating around since my high school days. I vividly recalled the first time it was proposed, shortly after winning a beauty pageant.
One of the judges, a distinguished Ambassador, approached me with words that would linger in my mind for years to come. However, at the time, the idea seemed far-fetched, clouded by my own insecurities, and a lack of understanding about the intricacies of diplomatic service. The thought of navigating the rigorous Foreign Service Officers Exam felt daunting, and I dismissed it as a pipe dream.
However, as I found myself at a crossroads, having severed ties with the soul-crushing monotony of corporate life, those dormant aspirations began to stir once again. Encouragement from my mother and former teachers breathed new life into the idea, reminding me of a path I was too scared to pursue. My curiosity about the Foreign Service grew with each conversation, and I found myself drawn to the prospect of a career that promised both purpose and adventure.
The decision to seriously consider the FSOE felt like a pivotal moment, a leap of faith into uncharted territory. With nothing to hold me back, I stood at the threshold of possibility, ready to embrace whatever the future held.
Despite lingering doubts and fears, I was fueled by a newfound sense of courage, knowing that embarking on this journey meant stepping into the unknown with an open heart, and a willingness to embrace the challenges that lay ahead.
With no background in international relations and with limited resources, the prospect of attending expensive review classes in Manila was out of reach. Undeterred, I knew I had to be creative with my approach to preparing for the exams. I also knew that I only had one shot at this, which made the stakes even higher.
The exam’s structure added to the pressure; only by successfully passing one stage could I advance to the next. Each step in the battery of exams was nerve-wracking, as failure meant restarting the entire process.
Despite the harsh reality of needing to make ends meet, I took on another corporate job to sustain myself, while I pursued my dream of becoming a Diplomat. I hoped for the best, but braced myself for the worst.
I studied and reviewed as if my life depended on it. Despite working long hours, I dedicated three hours every day to review. I crafted my own personalized study program, tailored to my learning style and resources. I revisited old high school and college textbooks, especially in Filipino literature. I listened to relevant audiobooks and podcasts during long drives and idle moments, maximizing every opportunity to absorb whatever knowledge I could.
Drawing from my experiences in public speaking and debate, I brandished my speaking skills for the oral exams. The breadth of topics covered in the exam was immense, making it impossible to master everything.
Nonetheless, I pressed on, reviewing diligently to ensure I was as prepared as possible. Each review session became a form of assurance, a reminder to myself that I had done everything within my power to succeed.
In moments of desperation, I turned to prayer, fervently seeking guidance and assistance from a higher power.
I yearned for a new career, a fresh start, and poured my heart into every stage of the process. I was driven by a deep yearning for a new life awaiting me on the other side of success in the FSOE.
After a grueling journey that stretched for a little over a year, I finally emerged victorious, successfully passing the Foreign Service Officers Exam. It was undoubtedly the most exhausting and challenging exam I had ever undertaken, yet it remains one of the most memorable and spiritual experiences of my life. Each stage tested not only my knowledge but also my resilience and determination to pursue a career completely different from what my teen-age self would have dared imagine.
As I reflect on this milestone, I realize that it has been a decade since I embarked on this transformative journey. The transition from corporate to government marked a significant turning point in my life. It hasn’t been a perfect or smooth-sailing journey, but it has been undeniably exciting and deeply-fulfilling.
Along the way, I encountered countless opportunities for growth and learning, pushing the boundaries of my capabilities in ways I never thought possible.
Despite the challenges and uncertainties, what stands out the most are the meaningful connections I have forged along the way. Through this job, I have had the privilege of working with remarkable individuals who have not only mentored and supported me but have also become life-long friends. Their guidance and camaraderie have been invaluable pillars of strength, helping me navigate the complexities of diplomacy and public service with grace and resilience.
As I ponder whether I made the right decision to pivot careers, and embark on this new path, I am reminded that life is a series of choices and opportunities. Did I make the right choice? Do I have any regrets? These are ponderings for another day.
I sit at my cluttered desk today, looking out at the empty streets of Central West End, as I listen to Olympic swimmer Diana Nyad’s story, and how she also pondered on the question posed by Mary Oliver: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
This question echoes in the recesses of my mind, urging me to reflect on the purpose and meaning of my existence. As I navigate the complexities of quarter-life crisis, career transitions, and personal growth, I am reminded of the fleeting nature of time, and the importance of seizing each moment with intention and purpose.
Embracing the essence of Mary Oliver’s question, I am inspired to live my life boldly, embracing the unpredictability and beauty of the journey ahead. With each decision and opportunity that arises, I strive to honor the precious gift of life by pursuing my passions, embracing new experiences, and uplifting others.
So what do I plan to do with my one wild and precious life? I could only hope to live it authentically, wholeheartedly, and with a deep sense of gratitude that this rare and precious gift was entrusted to me.
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Author’s email: [email protected]
