Does it bother a mother or a father when their son or daughter grows up to become a drug addict, or in other instances when their teenage daughter gets pregnant, or their young son gets somebody pregnant out of wedlock?
Worse, does it bother them when people end up concluding: “It’s [the misbehavior] due to bad parenting!”?
Before the public makes any judgment, they should remember that all parents want only the best for their children, regardless of their economic status. So it is quite unfair for the public to make such hasty conclusions when children go wrong.
A paper titled Parenting in the Philippines: A Review of Research Literature from 2004 to 2014 found that the most commonly-practiced Filipino parenting method is the authoritative style, wherein parents show their love through communication and the setting of standards, setting limits and high expectations, allowing a level of independence, and offering strong emotional support.
Studies have shown a positive connection between the authoritative parenting style and social competence of children. It also appears to result in positive effects on a child’s academic performance.
But in this internet-crazy world, the authoritative parenting style has become more challenging, as children tend to obey/follow vloggers and social influencers more than they do their respective parents.
In one study titled Child Rearing Practices among Families in Countryside Philippines, the research investigators found the permissive parenting style, which is high in communication, but low in standards.
Findings showed that ‘permissive’ parents tend to act as advisors, and not decision-makers, ignore the children’s behaviors, and do not set limits on their child’s actions. There are no consequences set for the child’s actions who eventually become “aimless” and “rebellious.” These children tend to exhibit impulsiveness, might even lack self-control, or develop a desire to control others.
So what is your parenting style? Parenting or child- rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child, and not exclusively an adult and child with a biological relationship.
Whatever is your parenting style, it is still important to note that each child will come out differently, even if they were raised in the same household. Parenting is never easy, and a job that no one can really prepare for.
Most parents would admit they have their strengths and weaknesses, or that they are an imperfect parent. The children, on the other hand, often see their parents as their “role models”.
So as parents, let us concentrate on recognizing our abilities and our limits, and to be more consistent with discipline.
Let us not feel guilty if we are working parents. Afterall, someone has got to put food on the table.
It is the many little things that we can lovingly do as parents that matter: talking to our children about how their day was, sharing at least two meals with them each day (if we live in the same household), relaxing with them on weekends, going to church with them on Sundays, doing other shared “bonding” activities with them, etc.
Remember, our children learn a lot about how to act in society by watching how we as parents live our lives, and along the way, imbibing traits like respect, neighborliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance.
Above all, let us treat our children the same way we want other people to treat us. Let us try to be nurturing and encouraging, even as we are bent on disciplining our children.
Let us ensure that our children understand that although we always expect better next time, our love for them remains constant, no matter what. Hugs to all parents!
Author’s email: [email protected]