I have observed many times that what we pursue or chase is often very different from what we catch.
Early in life, I planned on being a criminal lawyer. I also wanted to become a recording star and sing my way to fame. These two were the more obvious aspirations.
Deep inside my heart though, there was another quest I was trying to pursue — become a soldier. At that time, I thought that fighting for one’s country and giving up one’s life was the best way to serve the land of my birth. But “life” happens, and not one of those dreams became a reality. Early pregnancy set in, and married life pushed every dream to the sidelines.
While frustration ruled most of my younger years, I am not one to accept things sitting down. While skirmishing with life’s battles, I found myself rethinking my ambitions, then changing direction. I had to let go of the goals that had motivated me for many years, and find different ones, and in the process, chased perfection, and the realization of my dreams in new and often unexpected ways.
Today, it is apparent that I have charted a very different path for myself, and as I look back, there are insights I gathered which now govern my life. I think they are worth sharing:
Changing one’s path doesn’t mean failure. Successful people are always driven by goals. But we need to be extra careful as there’s a fine line between goals that inspire and goals that trap. The best stories of successful people are endlessly replete with fresh starts and unpredicted detours. If you find yourself not liking or no longer positively or enthusiastically-inclined to what you’re doing, or feeling frustrated even when things are going well, its time to think of making a new plan. Because changing one’s path isn’t really bad or wrong, and it is definitely not failure. It’s simply a new choice, and often the right one.
“Setbacks” are not real. Circumstances can swirl out of control like an unstoppable tornado — plans fail, products disappoint, people you love leave, business firms come apart. When something is not right, you can be consumed by it, or you can realize that what you took to heart before isn’t your reality anymore, and the seeming turmoil around you masquerades a new reality. Don’t hammer yourself about it, don’t grieve over the wasted time, and the useless undertaking. Negative experiences are not really setbacks, they are actually chances to make new decisions that are right for you.
An angle to every situation. When things get rough, take a few minutes to leash it all out. Find a private place, get mad, or cry to your heart’s content, let whatever’s struggling inside you get out. Then wipe off the tears, and get back to work to find the “angle.” There’s always a path forward to success. Usually, it involves getting over yourself. Whatever your emotions, stop thinking that it’s about you. Recognize that you’re in service to something bigger than yourself — your work, the people around you, those who depend on you. That’s where you’ll find the angle you need, beyond your emotions, and outside of yourself.
Success through different lenses. We can all relate to the true believer who challenges conventional wisdom and beats the odds. When we make these challenges, our parents, bosses, the society sometimes just won’t see it our way. But often, it’s our own “internal master” that’s the barrier we need to overcome. We persist in judging ourselves by standards that once seemed essential, but have actually outlived their usefulness. In fact, there are many different ways to succeed. The important thing is being comfortable with knowing there is more than one right answer, and there is more than just one story.
A perpetual experience. Is there ever time to stop chasing a specific dream, or for perfection? No, it’s about your never-ending pursuit of happiness. The sooner in life that we master the flexible mindset needed for continuous evolution, the better.
My life (career included) has had enough twists and turns all ready to make a running back proud. In those times when I had no control over my external situation, I could see that the one path I thought I would take wasn’t actually the only path, or was it even the right path. There were several paths, it was just up to me to make a choice, and work on it. Today, I can say that I am not the result of the circumstances around me. What I have become is a product of my own choices.
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Author’s email: [email protected]
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